The Akatsuki's pet cat? ~a Naruto fanfiction~

Chapter 17~ Test? No thanks.

~Noroi's POV



I felt my ears react before i realized it myself. My feline ears perked up as I heard familiar faint sounds that woke me up almost instantaneously. The annoying repeated tapping of pencils on paper.

I lifted my head with narrowed eyes. I hissed.

Tests.

Tests everywhere.

Why was everyone taking tests?! Is this some sort of bad dream?!

My eyes widened. 'OH SHITTTTT. THE TESTS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER. DAMMIT OBAMA!'

I felt the head below me visibly flinch. I forgot Naruto has a possibility of hearing my thoughts like Gaara.

That, or I literally meowed when I thought I was actually talking. It happens a lot.

That may be why everybody else is staring at me too.

Geez why does everyone stare? I just interrupted a long period of silence, damn.

I lowered my head into Naruto's fluffy hair. They won't stop staring and it's annoying. If I can't see them they can't see me, that's always been the rule.

After a few minutes, I lifted my head and looked to the only people remaining who continued to stare at me. There was about 5.

The first, obviously, was Naruto. I mean he couldn't really look directly at me, but I knew he was so desperate for help on this test thing that he was going to ask a cat.

The second was Sasuke. He held a mixed look. I'd say it was half annoyance and half worry. Aw. He's probably worried about my fear of tests. How considerate.

Third, Gaara. He seemed to have finished his test, so he seemed to have all the free time to glare daggers at me. Dunno why.

Fourth. Some creepy guy at the front of the room. His head did not look comfortable (honestly the first thing that came to my strange mind). He stared intently at me. Like he was suspicious. Psh. Crazy people suspecting a cat of doing something.

Lastly, the fifth was some bird that looked familiar outside the window. At first, my cat instincts told me to try to catch it and stuff. But the strange crow gave off a familiar aura. I sensed the angst. And it wasn't Sasuke's.

'I know that angst! That's Itachi's! Oh my god I am SOOO honored to be stalked by some Itachi Crow-Kun! Just fabulous.'

I rolled my eyes and stared at the crow. I couldn't just jump after Crow-kun, being in the middle of a test thing.

Instead, I decided to brush crow-kun off. Naruto looks like he's failing this test anyway. It'll be over soon.

After waiting about 15 more minutes, which I spent having a staring/glaring contest against Gaara, the man at the front of the room called everyone's attention.

Of course, I didn't pay attention. Cause I'm such a rebel.

Shit happened and out of nowhere this lady flew through the window, tossing a kunai that created a colorful(ish) banner.

'Yay! FINALLY! At least someone understands that these people need to party!' I mewed happily. this place can be so boring.

"Alright you kids! There's no time for celebrating!-" What? What happened to the party? D:

I was so disappointed. this lady got my hopes up and just crushed them.

I sighed and looked back to Itachi-Crow-kun. Ooh...crow-kun has the spinny red eyes of doom too! I wonder if Itachi taught him that...?

....

Wow. I am so slow.

I again began to slip into the subconscious of my mind, into that damned red world of Itachi's Mangekyo sharingan.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I regained consciousness with my face flattened against the floor. This is the first time I landed on my face when I entered this world. At least I didn't land on my ass like the other times. it hurts more when you land on your tail. But you people in my conscious wouldn't know the feeling would you?

I love breaking the fourth wall today... so very mind-blowing.

I slowly sat up, wiping my (HUMAN) face of dirt and whatever this flooring was made of. After my face was clear, I continued rubbing my face just for the hell of it. I forgot how my own skin feels. It's like a baby's bottom~ <3

But without one of those rashes cause that's just gross.

Babies can actually be really gross.

....

I forgot what babies look like? .3.

As I pondered of babies and my sanity (don't I sound like a girl you'd bring home to your parents? ;D), Itachi morphed into view literally out of thin air. I wanna do that.

"HIYAH ITACHIIIIIIII HOWS YOU BEEN? OHMEHGOSH YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO GOT PREGNANT-"

I was cut off with a sharp glare from Itachi. Damn. He could've just told me he wasn't a gossip gurl.

He took a breath, probably to control his fanboying at my awesomeness, and looked to me in all seriousness. "What exactly have you been doing this whole time?"

"By whole time...you mean a day? Cause that's the last time I saw you." I said rolling my eyes. Yeah, I know my shit.

"Yes. Recall what has happened since I last saw you."

I held my index finger to my chin, "Hmm...well I slept, ate food, slept, scratched up stuff, slept, Sasuke got his ass beat by Rock Lee, slept, yelled at people in my mind, then got dragged back in this world of muffins and sunshine by you~!" I smiled and exaggerated an arm flailing for effect.

He took another breath, again, obviously moved by my radical everything, and spoke, "Why did I send you here?"

"To protect the world from devastation! To unite all peoples within our nation!-" He cut me off yet again.

"To look after Sasuke. That was our deal."

"But I am!" I crossed my arms, "I eat his food to make sure he doesn't over-eat and get fat! Besides, I don't see you keeping up your end of the bargain!"

He held up a hand, silencing Neko-me instantly, "Actually, I have a theory on a temporary way to make you human." He continued talking before I had a chance to interrupt, "If you can use an advanced form of the transformation jutsu, you can take form of anyone. It may allow you to speak at the very least."

"....."

"....What? Is there a problem with this solution?" Itachi said slowly, only a small questioning rise of tone indicating a difference between his statements and his questions.

"......"

"What's wrong?"

"......."

"Noroi."

"......."

"Answer the question."

".......Hm." I mumbled under my breath annoyed.

Itachi's eyes narrowed, "I couldn't hear you."

My tail instinctually twitched, "I just said 'hm'! Man why y'all gotta assume shit I dun wanna deal with? Y U NO BE INTERESTING?"

I received no reply from Itachi. He only patiently waited for my half-assed explanation to start making sense. I sighed and pulled on my ears again.

"I kinda don't know how to do a transformation jutsu?"

"....Do you know any other jutsu?"

"I'm a fucking cat. What do you think? No I dont. Why would I go to a ninja academy if I could just blow people up with my MiNd?" Pretty logical point right? Like going to school even if you already know your ABD's and that stuff and you is like that Elmostein guy (Einstein).

Itachi just stood and stared at me dumbfounded. He stayed silent for a long while, before eventually letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Well now we both have a problem."

"Excuse me? Are you implying that i have a problem?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, "Because i do not. I dont have any problems at all."

I hissed.

He ignored me again and made a shadow clone. Stepping away from it, he turned and faced me with his usually stoic expression. "I want you to show me exactly how you 'blow people up with your mind.'"

"Excuse me?" I tilted my head and looked at him, "Am I getting consensual agreement for me to kill you? Because I don't want to be charged again if I don't have a binding contract like that time with that hobo-"

"Just destroy the clone."

"Fine Mr.Grouch-Grouch. Damn." I cracked my knuckles and stretched ever so over-dramatically, "Though I might be a little rusty since I haven't killed in about a month. Except maybe that time I imploded that bird for stealing my bread I found/stole. Or that possum that tried to eat me. Or that teenager that threw rocks at me last week. That one was the messiest. The police still don't know it was me so shush."

"......"

"What? I'm pretty sure you killed someone before. Don't look at me like I'm insane." He glared when I mentioned him killing someone. What's his deal? He's a S-Rank right? He acts like its strange that I talk of murder so lightly. "Whatevs. I'll kill your stupid clone."

Boom. With a gesture of the arm the clone was nothing more than a mess of blood and flesh on the floor.... at least, that's what it normally looks like. But since it's a clone it only dissolved into a little cloud with a small 'poof'.

How unsatisfying.

I looked to Itachi. "Well? What does ye old wise one say?" He stayed silent, still in thought. I sighed and sat down, waiting for his analysis of whatever he was looking for to be finished.

Eventually, I just got up and walked around. Every time Itachi left my sight, he'd reappear as if he never moved. Like I was walking in circles. But eventually, he ended up sitting down.

As I passed by him for the 55th time, he spoke, "You aren't really controlling blood."

"Haha....wut."

He sighed, "For some reason, your chakra acts like some sort of magnet for other chakra. So you're really pulling the chakra from peoples body. Since chakra runs throughout the entire body, it's common for you to pull the veins with it."

"......." I stared at him dead serious. "...What's a catrah? I'm a cat. Does that have to do with it?"

I swear I heard his eye twitch. Aha. I'm breaking him.


*~~*~~*~~*~~*

After explaining catrah and all that stuff ( I can't call myself a blood-bender anymore! D: ), Itachi began trying to teach me how to use the tranformation jutsu.

Guess what the first thing I changed into was?

A CAT LOL.

Itachi soooooooo wanted to facepalm. I could just tell.

After what seemed like hours of training, I learned to transform into a simple plain ninja. I made sure it was a guy so that I could so make them all think I was a guy so when I become normal I can be like "YOU'VE JUST BEEN PUNKED IMMA GIRL."

I harassed Itachi as a guy (YAOI TIME owo) and he sent me back immedietly. For some reason, even though I was in that red place for hours, I was still on Naruto's head like before I left.

Strange.

But, as a cat who just learned to use catrah and turn into another species, I was tired.

And, to the many voices in my head, you should know what that means!

SLEEPYTIMES! <3

Fluffy Naruto hair is fluffy.






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.3. I can has chapter? you can has chapter!

Sorry, I got lost on the path of righteousness. ;3;

Who's head do you think would be softest to sleep on? :D ask your grandparents! Teachers too! Psychiatrists are best!

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