Someplace, somewhere, there is someone crying their eyes out while their hearts shatter into a million pieces. For once you're thankful that it's not you.
To start off I feel like I should introduce myself - it would be terribly rude for a person not to present oneself after all. My name is Preen, and I am diagnosed with depression. AS IN PREEN TISSUES? PREEN WET WIPES? HAHAHAH WHAT A JOKE. It isn't a surprise really. Depression is one of the most common problems people face with and hence it's usually taken for granted. But it shouldn't because it is one of the most absolute 100% guaranteed ways of how to make a person feel like complete rubbish. BUT THEN IT'S DEPRESSION? ONLY A FEW TEARS? RIGHT?
Hahah, of course that's what everyone thinks. Because who cares about depression. I can almost bet that no one would read this, that this "story" would be shoved in the corner, left to sit there forever unacknowledged, disregarded, abandoned. (RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT:What I am too, right?) Because that's what every story is like and this will never make it to the top of the list no doubt. But that's not the point and it shouldn't be. The point is to let the world know depression exists and how it can be the cause of the beginning of questioning one's own survival.
Can you see the hint of pessimism wrapped up in this piece of text? That's another sign of depression. You think of all the bad things. You think of all the friends with you, not knowing what you're going through and wondering whether they even care; you wonder as people look at you how they see you (RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT: Do they see me as a nerd? As a loser? Or as the popular one who has everything going for them? Hah, they must be crazy if they're crying over their fabulous life...like me). As you lay in bed exhausted and sick of life, how as you stare at the white ceiling until you're nearly blind with random white stars clouding your vision, as you feel the tears dripping down your face, as you lie alone and feel alone, even though you probably know you're not alone - you think how it would be like to die just right there. On the spot then and there. And if anyone would miss you. (RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT: IS IT TRUE WHEN THEY SAY THEY MISS ME THEY ACTUALLY DO? OR IS IT ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR LIES?)
OH OH OH and
Everyone knows those type of people who smile for absolutely no reason and they can't stop smiling because they're so happy all the time. Well good for them because for me I'm the complete opposite. I frown for no particular reason, become bitter for no absolute reason. HAHAHAH OH THIS IS SO HILARIOUS OH OH. And as you try to smile at school and try to blend in and everything, because you can't stand the pity and the constant questions pressed into you like an iron, you can't stand it, no no. An iron - trying to bring warmth into your life, but with too much pressure it ends up burning you. (RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT: THE WORLD. TOO MUCH PRESSURE. AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE CARRYING THE WORLD ON YOUR SHOULDERS.) But somewhere at the back of your mind you can't help but wish someone would notice you - that you would be picked out of a wall of shadows.
And you think what's the purpose of life? If it's all monotony, of working and sleeping and eating. Because if that's what it is, and what it will continue to be if the misery is ever wiped off me, I don't know if it's worth living anymore. (RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT: And you try to make yourself perfect and beautiful as you stare into the mirror as you stare at your plain brown and your plain brown eyes and as you point all the spots and imperfections scarred on your face. You try to make yourself more beautiful, more noticeable, more gorgeous. But you fail because nothing ever works out for you and why should this too. You try anyway and the effort is just so exhausting. And you feel so ashamed at being so self-absorbed and insecure you try not to look at the mirror anymore, because you're afraid for what you are about to see. A blob of cream skin reflected in the corner of your eye.)
(RANDOM NOTE OF THOUGHT AND ITS SUMMARY: Depression - a chill wind that encapsulates you and imprisons you. A second of happiness and its captured away.)
YOU ARE READING
A few tears and a drop of rain
Short StoryPeople tell me I'm as easy to read as a book. Guess you'll have to find out how easy.
