A few tears and a drop of rain

Strange habits... and what I do

During my 'depression phase' I always have this strange habit that I succumb to. Like, for example, when I'm feeling a bit down, I would always write my messages on my hand. The palm, of course, because that would be where the criss-crosses would live: the heart line, the life line, my love line.... It's really strange but there are three reasons why I do this:

1) First and foremost, it helps me vent out my frustration on something that's just conveniently there (WOW I NEVER KNEW I HAD A HAND... I'LL JUST PLACE MY MESSAGE RIGHTT HERE.)

2) Second, it makes me feel vulnerableand exposed and I have to admit I kind of like that you know. I like the fact that all you need to do is flip to the underside of my hand and then BAM you know all my secrets. It's magical really.

3) I feel a strange satisfaction ... like I don't know, if I happen to get blood poisoning one day I would know then that I'm not ready to live in a world full of happy memories. (Seems unlikely but, you know...)

I guess you could say that's why I do the things I do. I don't know if it's just me or if I"m just plain weird. Also my 'friend' is ignoring me so..

But I guess one comfort I get from this method is that every time I wash my hands you coulde see the messages already starting to wear off. And it serves as a good reminderto me that if I try, the bad times will start to wear away, leaving a clean and fresh start.