If You Do (Jackson)

Together

'Jesus ____-! Are you okay?!'

Jackson immediately jumped up from the couch, running over to you as you let yourself fall to your knees. They somehow just...stopped working. Your vision went blurry and you tried your best to keep the stinging, wet film forming on your eyes from turning into visible tears.

'Shit sorry! I'm so clumsy... What a mess, i'm so sorry.', you murmured the last sentence as you could interpret it in different ways. You really made a mess of everything. If you hadn't catched those feelings for your best friend you wouldn't be sitting here on the floor like this.

'I'll just ask my mom for some new cups, it's really no big d-.'

'These are your mom's?!'

And that did it. It's funny how something so trivial could push you over the edge. Well, not that trivial since you knew how much he loves and misses his mom. These cups must've had quite some sentimental value to him. And you broke them. Just like you'll break your friendship if you continue to behave this way. You felt like a small child, again. No wonder Jackson never felt anything remotely close to romantic for you. You were a mess making messes. Like a baby that needed to be taken care of.

Maybe that's all you were to him, something that needed to be taken care of.

'Oh no ____-, did you hurt yourself? Where does it hurt? Show me, i'll get bandaids!'

Did you hurt yourself? You could say that. Bandaids won't be able to heal this kind of wound though, unfortunately.

You rubbed away the premature tears he'd noticed with the back of your hand and forced a smile on your face before feverishly starting to pick up the broken pieces of the blue forget-me-not-patterned cups.

'I'm not hurt it's just...They're your mom's and...'

'____-, really it's okay! These things happen, please don't cry! I'll get the broom to clean it up.'

'No it's fine, it's my mess. I should clean it up. Don't worry about me Jackson, i'm fine.', you whispered as you glanced down at the floor, your face completely flushed, embarrassed and hurt beyond belief as you focused your attention on picking up the porcelain pieces again while what you saw kept playing in front of your eyes like a single second long movie on repeat.

Jackson sat by helplessly, not sure what to do or what to say. He knew he'd only make it worse if he didn't let you do this. He knew how stubborn you were. He nervously rubbed the back of his head, forcing himself to look at you despite his embarassment.

'____-... What you saw... Amber was just-'

Your hand froze in the middle of picking up a broken fragment. You stared at the ground as you felt tears welling up again, but managed to hold them back. You held your breath for a split second before you interrupted him.

'I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't see anything.'

You didn't see how Amber inched her beautiful face closer to jackson's. How she parted her lips for him. How he leaned in closer... Maybe you'll forget about it if you make yourself believe you didn't see it. It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye. But that was enough to make your heart crumble in hurt and disappointment.

Jackson's eyes widened before they glanced down at the ground as well, not knowing how to behave in this situation. His hands fluttered around, trying to find a way to help, trying to get a hold of the situation. He sighed deeply and opened his mouth to try a second time.

'____-, I-'

'I'm gonna get the broom.'

You quickly rose to your feet again before he could add anything else, before he made things even more difficult by trying to deny it. You didn't blame him, he had no idea how you felt about him after all. Why was he even trying to explain things? It's not like you had any say in what he does and who he does it with. You were just his silly, problematic best friend.