Chapter One: Penance
It was around midnight and I plodded down a snow covered sidewalk in New Hampshire, my hands lodged in my pockets, a wool hat pulled low over my face, nearly covering my eyes. The wind was bitter, but bearable, and I continued to walk through it. It hissed and cried in every direction and at the moment warmth was the only thing present to me. Just a few blocks more and I'd be home. The one place I felt I belonged.
Part of me wished my loving family was there to welcome me, or "surprise" me and shower me with gifts, and then the other half just knew better. It was better to leave the past alone. I pushed my feet through the cold, panting heavier than usual. Maybe I was just ready to be home, maybe I was afraid of what this night was to become. Of course those were both irrelevant assumptions. I turned the corner, passing a familiar face along the way. He waved, and I just smiled back, something I always did.
I was still in the get-home-now state of mind, so I didn't bother to make conversation. Self-pity told me I was ignorant, this is what I get for forcing myself into a relationship that no one, not even I quite frankly approved off. I sighed playing in my head what Christmas, Thanksgiving and those other holidays, such as New Year, would be like. Who wants to spend their Christmas alone, again? Well not all the way alone. Delaney and her boyfriend would be there, of course, which would make me the third wheel.
But I was kind of use to it.Well, I was immune to the idea of it,anyway.I was closer to home now, just a few steps more I thought, then I can be all alone in my precious abode. I chuckled lowly because even that was funny to me. As I looked down at my shoes I wished I had put on my Uggs instead of my Oxfords, but what did it matter anyway? These were comfy enough. I turned the key into the lock, slithering inside and locking it behind me. My little home was, essential.
I felt myself inside it. felt at home. Despite the terrible loneliness, I felt at peace there. Already, a track was playing. One I felt kind to hear. Royals by Lorde.I wasted no time kicking of my shoes and flopping on my sofa. It seemed to engulf me and capture me whole, and for the moment that was okay.
Then there came the sudden pull of emotions, realization finally took a toll on me.I was single again, and the guy who dumped me made me walk home. I should be mad, prank calling his house phone in a childish manner, but that was to cliché. That was an I'm-not-happy-with-this-break-up type of thing. And see, I was trying to make it seem like I was.
That was something I felt that I was just perfect at doing. I clicked on the television, flipping through the channels. Horror movies flooded the TV and I didn't bother to watch one. I skimmed the titles though searching for a few classics. I looked at the keys beside the coffee table and shifted them in my hands. I didn’t want to leave the warmth but, I didn’t want to be cadged in for the rest of the night. My house wasn't a fun factory, and I decided to go to one place that would be.
Tom's Wine and Beer was just across the street from Milo's Brew. I walked outside once again the cold night tugging me in. The neon signs were bright and flashy and I wasted no time walking in, and sitting at the bar. The place seemed livelier that night, men and women gyrating and letting the beer satisfy their systems. A song was playing from the juke box farthest next to the pool table.
"Hey," said Tim. "Look who's here." I watched as Tom made his way over, sliding a shot to me, the usual. Well, if it isn't Faith; out from her cocoon," he joked. I chuckled, throwing back the acidic drink and licking the last remains from my lips. I let that soothe me."Where's Delaney?"
