Dangerous Woman

Happy Hatchday!

Red ran as fast as any flightless bird could. She had to get the package to the other side of the island before it was too late. Along the way, Red got caught in a spider web, fell off a cliff, swung through the thick jungle from vine to vine, and fell from a tree. All before she landed in a lake, nearly drowning!
After what felt like forever, Red finally made it to where she had to go: a small treehouse. On the porch was a single egg sitting cozily in its nest. Not wasting any time, Red knocked on the door, put down the box, and prepared herself. A little green bird named Timothy opened the door to see who it was.
"Ta-da!" Red cheered, dressed as a silly clown. Timothy screamed and Red's smile fell. "No, it's okay! I'm just a clown!"
Timothy wouldn't stop crying. Clearly he wasn't big on clowns. Instead of singing, like she usually does, Red decided to just give him his cake.
"Happy Hatchday!" she smiled, trying to maintain her image.
Red worked as a cake delivering clown for birthday parties. She didn't like being a clown, but it was hard for her to find a job. Why, you ask? You're about to find out.
Timothy's father, Edward, came to the door when he heard the boy scream. He put his hand on his son's shoulder and gave Red a smug grin.
"Hey, kid!" he welcomed. Red didn't like being called "kid." After all, she was 22. But she shrugged it off. Then, Edward turned serious. "You must be so disappointed in yourself for being this late!"
"What? I'm not late!" Red argued. "Look at the time! See? The order said 'before noon.'"
Indeed, Red had arrived just one minute before noon.
"Okay," Edward nodded as the clock struck twelve. "Now you're late! Where have you been?!"
Red tried to explain what happened, but Edward wasn't at all happy that she fell on the box an a squirrel began to eat the cake. He wouldn't take any excuses.
"You hear that, honey?" he called out to his wife. "The clown we paid to be here an hour ago fell on our son's hatchday cake! That's why our son's hatchday party is ruined!"
Red was starting to get nervous. She couldn't lose it this time, she needed this job!
"And the next time you mess up, don't tell me a story!" Edward groaned. Timothy started to mimic his father's every move. "Just take responsibility!"
"Um, sir? It wasn't a story!"
"'I'm a screw-up that woke up late and fell on the thing you paid for!'" he said in a dopey voice. Real mature.
Red giggled sarcastically. "It wasn't a story, I almost drowned..."
"Why don't we just settle this out and say the cake's on you?" Edward decided, laying a finger on Red's chest.
Now he did it. Red had enough. This man made her...
ANGRY
"I'm sorry, it's on me?!"
"Well, who else would it be on?" Edward chuckled.
Red laughed nervously. She removed her clown costume and took the cake out of the box.
"I'm not sure if you're going to like this," Red said calmly, "but since you asked... Rather than being on me, as you suggested, this cake... is on YOU!!!"
With that, Red smashed the cake into Edward's face!

That's right. Red had anger issues. On Bird Island, it was rare for someone to have an anger issue. Most of the birds were very happy. But not Red. She was, without a doubt, the angriest bird on Bird Island. But can you blame her? She was born in a Lost and Found room, ridiculed for her unusually thick eyebrows, criticized for her unique opinion on everything, and no one really cared about her, let alone thought she was beautiful.

"So, you want to hear a story?! I run my butt off, literally, mind you, to get the 'gluten free cake...' What the heck is gluten?! I mean, does gluten even exist?!"
Eva, Edward's wife and Timothy's mother, saw the whole thing and was in no less shock than her husband.
"Who are you?!" she gasped.
"Get out of here!" Edward yelled.
"Already?!" Red exclaimed. "But you're the only one that's had cake!"
Red scooped up some cake from Edward's face and ate it from her hand.
"Mmm! Oh, that's good stuff!" Red mumbled. "Anyone want to eat some cake off their dad or husband? Who needs plates when you got this guy's face?"
Red was about to leave before she remembered...
"Oh, wait!" she realized. "I'm supposed to do a quick customer satisfaction survey before I split. So, on a scale of one to three stars, what would you say about my performance? And don't forget, the squirrel was..."
Red didn't get to finish her sentence. She slipped and fell face first into the family's egg! CRACK!
"Congratulations!" Red cheered, her voice muffled since her face was still in the egg. Edward and Eva gasped in horror.
"It's a boy!"

I know, I know. This looks too much like the actual movie. But it's a little different. You'll see.

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