(unedited)
Z A Y N
"like that yes c'mon"
"Holy shit I'm close fuck zaynie"
"Rub it faster fuck faster"
"Oh my go-"
"shut the fuck up Louis it's not like I'm jerking you of my hands are too good for your limpy hose pipe!"
I screeched out in utter frustration as I tried to soothe his aching sprain in his toes which was due to the way we had to urgently jump off a twenty storey building.
It wouldn't have been such an urgent and messy jump that led to a sprained foot if our fucking rat shagged raisin of a boss didn't abruptly call off for aborting the mission.
That's what he's good at : Lolling in bed all day grunting here and then and rudely cancelling missions at the last minute.
"Can't a man just agonise and moan in peace?!" he retorted melodramatically as if he someone punctured the air out of his ass and made it as bony as mine.
I was about to sass him but he interrupted me
"Besides have you seen your hands and how they work zayn?Fucking handcrafted by Jesus and God himself I'm telling you man now I can only imagine what other ways it can work"
I cringed at his blunt sexual innuendo but rolled my eyes and chuckled nonetheless,
that was Louis for you.
Blunt like the blunt he smoked.
"After all these magnificently thrilling years with your bubble gum popped ass,you decide to marvel over my hands and not my face?the face that was hand made by Zeus and Aphrodite themselves?The face that made Hera grow a fucking pair of dick full of envy? You completely ig-"
"Oh my god I get it the whole life on Earth gets it,fuck even ET and his neighbours out there gets it that your fucking self-esteem is bigger than your and your father's dicks combined"
To be honest with myself that wasn't remotely as disgusting as the things he said before but still managed to shake me into a fit of giggles
"Dude you just did not create a mental image of my dad's and I's dicks combined inside my head"
I chortled out as he replied with a simple shrug.
"I just did."
The room feels up with the sounds of our perfectly synchronised snorts because we both knew that joke was older than queen Latifah herself.
"wait did you just imply that I've a huge dick" I cut in our fits of laughter with my fat mouth
"Yes.Not that you were born to have such great and huge gold treasure stick it probably was the amount of times people filled your loose asshole with cum which are full of protein might I add that went straight to your dick" he finished off as he has just said the funniest things of all time.
Ha.ha.
Right.
"That didn't even make sense"
"Exactly"
"That didn't make sense either"
"Shu-"
"All you ladies pop your pussy like this Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss All you ladies pop your pussy like this Shake your body, don't stop"
our conversation was cut short by my blaring phone.
I fished my phone from my pocket and cringed when I realised who it was.A someone definitely not worth that ringtone.
"This is so embarrassing"
I heard Louis mutter.
"what's up zeezee"
The caller shouted instantly eliciting
an annoyed groan from the back of my throat
"This is probably the last time you'll get to call me that" I playfully threatened.
"Whatchu gonna do?shed blood of someone of your own blood?"
"I have to if that someone keeps calling me with that horrid nightmare worthy nickname"
"not as nightmare worthy as your ringtone"
His voice sassed making me flush red as a fucking roasted tomato.
thus why I cut to the chase
"why did you call me"
"trying to change the subject are we?"
"shut up Louis"
"oh yeah right I forgot so yeah y'know tomorrow's the last day of the boot-camp I've been called to?"
"I'm not joining the army"
This is probably the three thousand and ninety third time -yeah I counted- someone was pestering me to join the fucking army.
"No no no it's not like that well it's just that uh....I want you to help me chose a few highly applicable soldiers since y'know,your -"
oh.
"My taste in men is rather rough and buff?" I purred with a smirk shrugging as If I weren't this close to jumping on the other side of the phone and ripping his eyes off
"yeah.....that"
"Then I'm in ta-tah"
I abruptly hung up without giving him a chance to show his gratitude.
or even cuss me off in general
"Gonna get some soldiers and dicks tomorrow" I heard Louis ask with a smirk playing in his lips.
"Yep"
" atta boy"
---------------------------------------------
zustin : coming soon✔️
😏
-jason
YOU ARE READING
Mission:Collision(zustin mieber)
Fanfiction"you think like a spy and fight like a soldier,and that's how you win"
