Into the Darkness

Chapter 26

Voices POV

I am so relieved when Ireland does in fact decide to come out again. I totally screwed up the last time but now I am determined to do better. I just wish she understood how hard this was for me. This is the first time I have ever felt anything like this before, I don't even really know what this is, although I have my suspicions.

Wow. It's like I am afraid to even think the word. I chuckle until I realize that I actually am.

"What's so funny?" She asks dryly.

"Nothing." I cover it up quickly. She already thinks I am insane. I believe laughing at nothing falls under the crazy category. Let her think that.

More silence. Its like that for a long time. I want to say something but I can't be sure what. Everything I can think of will sound unbelievably stupid and no normal small talk would work. I think she might actually find it insulting and I would find it boring since I already know all of that surface stuff. I sigh loudly and check the monitor again. Nothing interesting at all. The groups are still separate and aren't really all that close to finding each other

And then... Is that yellow gas? I did not release gas into the tunnels. What is happening? Suddenly I realize what's going on but unfortunately at the same time Ireland notices the gas.

"What is that? What did you do?" She sees Nevada fall and her eyes widen, "Nevada-"

This needs to be taken care of and fast. "Ireland calm down. I didn't do this. It is simply a malfunction now I have to go fix it but I can't leave you wandering around. You need to go back into the room."

"No!" She screams at me, "I will not! I-" At that point I am kind of tuning her out. I think I know what the gas is now and it is potentially fatal. If I don't get out there... lets just say unfortunate things might happen. I don't have time to calm Ireland down an then explain this too her so a sedative it is. She realizes what I am about to do the exact moment I open the door and tries to get away. I blindly grasp around the drawer until I find the syringe and stick it in her leg.
She gasps but doesn't go to sleep. I glance down and what I just jabbed into her leg was not a syringe but. screwdriver.
My eyes widen and I mumble about a billion apologizes as her eyes fill with tears. She city's out and I hope it isn't bad. However I have no time to dwell on any of it. The gas...

It pains me to leave her there but I have to. I don't have much time. I quickly enter the room with all the doors and tunnel entrances. I move faster then I think I have ever moved before, all the while cursing myself for what I did to Ireland.

A little less than an hour later the gas has been taken(although I'm not sure whether or not Nevada is alive or not. I didn't have time to check) and I am now bandaging Ireland's leg. That is of course after I knocked her out with an actual syringe. She was freaking out about how I stabbed her when I got back. She wasn't going to let me touch it and I needed to make sure it wasn't bad. I don't know what I would have done if it was bad. Would I have taken her somewhere to get medical help? What if she had died?

Just thinking about that makes me nervous. I check her pulse again. Her heart is beating steadily. She starts to stir.
It isn't long before she is completely awake. It takes her a moment to realize what I did. She starts scooting away from me back towards the door. I don't want her to go back. I didn't mean to stab her.

"Look Ireland... I didn't mean... I'm sorry," She keeps moving and is almost there, "Ireland please! Don't go-"

Too late. She is gone. What little progress I made is gone. This is all completely hopeless.

I go back to my control panels and watch Tori and Carina discover Nevada's body. I switch it off. It all seems useless now. What am I such a complete idiot?

I don't try to see her again until maybe a few hours later. After I have remind myself of why I am doing all of this. The goals I intend to accomplish. The goals are bigger then me and my wants. I had to take care of the gas and Ireland got in the way. That is the reason she got hurt. I couldn't have the good ones dying. Not yet at least, it's way too soon. I still have to get rid of the other weak ones first.
Then I am reminded of how a part of me thought Ireland was one of the ones who needed to die. Way before, from the beginning of the maze, she shouldn't have made it through. And then she broke her arm, became a liability, the others might have gotten hurt and I couldn't have that. It became the perfect excuse to bring her up here. Bringing her up hear is still following the plan. Like I said before she became a liability to the other and I can't have them dying. Benedict especially(even if he continues to insult me the way he does) and Nevada(Unless of course she died in the gas attack in that case... oh well) or Tori and Carina. Carina was defiantly a surprise. I didn't even think he was going to make it through the maze but then she did and then she volunteered for the tunnels. That was probably the moment I change my mind.
I still can't be sure about the rest though or even the ones who made it to phase three. I never really liked the ones from the first batch. But now I am reluctant to kill any of them. Because of her.

I walk slowly to the door of her room. More of a cell really, not unlike something you would find in my maze. I am dreading having to explain what happened but I need her to know it was an accident. Of course me bringing her here and putting her through all that other stuff wasn't on accident. Maybe this is just a small reflection of everything I have done to her.
Suddenly it becomes clear that I have no chance trying to explain what I am doing. She will never understand my vision.
I push the door open slowly, feeling like I have some obligation to respect her privacy. She stares up at me with a cold stare that makes something inside me hurt. There is no fear in her eyes though, that's a start, but then again maybe anger is worse. She turns away and winces at the pain in her leg. The pain I caused her. I make a quick mental note to get some pain pills.
I glance down at the wound wondering whether or not the bandages need changing. How often are you supposed to change those? For the first time I notice how bad she actually looks. The dark circles under her eyes, her actual eyes red from crying. Her dirt streaked face and messy hair. How did I not notice?

Did I do this?

You did. A small tiny little in the back of my mind whispers to me. It sounds evil and menacing. It takes me a second to realize that that voice is me. I realize for the first time that I have made a horrible mistake. You are a monster.

Yes. I am.

I sit down next to her and we both just sit for a bit, totally silence. She stares up at me with sad, empty eyes. It fills me with something more real then anything else I claimed I felt before.

Dread. The voice says again, Guilt, remorse, your going soft. Don't forget the mission.

I promise that I won't but Ireland cannot be apart of that mission anymore. I won't let her be. I can't stop staring at her. I can't shake the feeling that I need to do something but I feel frozen.

I love her.
I really do love her.
Admitting that seems to release me from my silent and still prison.
I love her and I don't think I will ever stop trying to prove that to her.

"I'm sorry," I choke out as tears stream down my face, "I'm sorry." And in that moment I take the first step to fix everything I have broken.