Look at me, you would think I am one of the happiest people in the world. Look at me, I have it all. I'm star quarterback on the football team. I am one of the most popular people in my hishschool. I have lots of people that I surround myself with, people who most would consider my friends. Only one thing is that these so called friends don't give a fuck about me after they walk out of the high school at the end of the day. Look at me, I should be so happy. After all I have what everyone says is a "perfect" life. Big house, what seems to be a loving family, the latest gadgets, name brand clothes, more money than anyone could imagine spending, plus much much more. What's wrong with me? Why am I always so sad? Maybe it's because I inherited my mother's mental illnesses. Or maybe because I blame myself for my dad walking out. Maybe it's how my mom's problems with addiction are affecting me. Or how my grandparents/ Legal Guardians are abusive. No I'm not one of those kids who think punishment is abuse. It's not at all like that, if I do something wrong I could understand, but I don't I do my chores on time I clean up all my messes and don't say a word to them. But as soon as I come home they start screeming and then next thing I know I'm getting hit. If I ever try to do anything about it I get in trouble and told I'm the one attacking them. It makes me not want to be alive, at least I have my friends. Except I don't really know them in person. Only over group chats and social media. But at least they are more real than any of the kids in school. My bestfriend, well my only friend is Kieran. He's from England and is 16. Even though he has heart problems and won't live very long he is the biggest part of my life. He is the only person I talk to outside of the group chats beside Kaia. Kaia and Kieran live in the same town and go to school together. Kaia always insists me and Kieran are gay for each other which isn't true because I think that lately I have been falling for her I just have to clue how to express my feelings. How can I even be sure these feelings are true? I just don't want to hurt her, I don't want anyone to. I don't want her with anyone else. I don't want her talking to anyone else. I want to be on her mind like how she is on mine. But maybe I am and she feels the same way but doesn't want to say anything. Just like me. We all have things in common. Like everyone in the group all have one thing in common. We are all struggling with simular mental issues. Like being suicidal having panic attacks/anxiety disorders, and depression.
