Turning Crimson • Jasper Hale

Jasper

I see her everyday.

My feelings grow a little bit more.

Maria gets in the way.

Ever since Adeline got to the camp, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Everyone, who I'm directly associated with, seems to be a little brighter since she got here. Maybe it's because she's a fresh face, or maybe its just simply the fact that she just generally resonates happiness even in some of her most unhappiest moments. And believe me when I say that I can feel when she's only using her happiness as a sort of shield to hide how she s really feeling.

When you have a 'gift' like mine, it's kind of hard to ignore all the little emotions that get thrown at you. Everyone else seems to be able to contain their emotion to some degree but in my mind, Adeline's emotions are more present. Maybe I have latched my own mind onto hers, which would explain why I can always feel what she's feeling. Or maybe she projects them without realising and I'm the only one that can hear. And I certainly do.

It had been a few weeks since Adeline's first hunt and she, and everyone else's emotions, are on a complete whirlwind. Miller is constantly going through states of missing his mate, Allaster seems to be worried about Adeline 80% of the time, and Hunter, well he's a shield so most of the time he blocks his mind of any and all emotions since he knows I hear them.

I hadn't really seen anyone since we got back since Maria has been forcing me to go and train the brand new recruits. Most of my time is spent out on the training grounds and even though I can feel everyone's feelings on the ground, still Adeline's feelings invade my mind. I can feel her deep seated regret about that child. There was nothing that she could do. Her feral side took over and once that happens, it's hard to stop it or even think a rational thought. But yet she's still blaming herself and there is nothing any of us can do.

The tasks that had been assigned to me were pretty minimal; find the newborns, break them in, kill the weak. I've had to get rid of at least 6 newborns in the past week and it is proving to be more and more difficult to bare as the days dredge on. But I carry on anyway because it pleases Maria.

Always pleasing Maria. She has quite a way with manipulation and somehow I always seem to fall victim to it every time. 

By nightfall on a particularly death ridden day, I'm stood in the middle of the barn, dropping the limp body of a young boy who couldn't have been older than fifteen. He wasn't meeting our armies standards so he had to go. He was my 4th kill of the day. To say I was getting exhausted was an understatement.

This has been possibly one hardest weeks for me. Maybe it's because of the relentless killings, or maybe just simply because they don't deserve this life. No one does. Staring down at that boys unmoving, lifeless body makes me start to wonder why I even stuck around here.

Maria is the reason.

Everything around here always comes down to Maria and she seems to have everyone wrapped around her finger. Except Adeline. She is the only one who has ever indirectly disobeyed Maria and that is an extremely bold move and it just makes my respect for her grow more and more everyday because she is doing what no one else here would ever even think about doing.

The feel of a cold hand snaking it's way around my waist is what brings me back to reality. The feel of that hand sends a shiver down my spine, I can hear her whispering praises in my ear but I don't listen, I've gotten so used to it that I have grown numb to it.  In a way, I'm glad that it's like this. It means that I don't have to hear those words over and over again, I can just block it out and mull over everyone else's uncovered, sleepless emotions.

Before I could process it, Maria was pulling me in for a kiss, and I returned it without a second thought.

That's when we heard a loud crash followed by a blood curdling scream,