The blank computer screen stares at me in the face and I can't seem to find the inspiration to start typing or the idea to even put on the blank page. My gut is in knots because it feels like everything is weighed down on me and it becomes harder to write by the minute. I have flashbacks and I have little things that remind me of him, things that always distract me from ever putting anything on the screen. My hands are immobile and the screen and keys feel like my enemy. I start to think about what happened and I begin to wonder and think back, my distraction starts and I lose focus on writing and my full attention ends up on him and what happened. The pain is indescribable, and once I snap out of it my body feels like I have just gotten thrown down flights of concrete stairs.
My head hurts, my hands ache to hit the keys with inspiration and ideas and my body aches as I get up to dip myself in the tub. I grab my phone and make a call before i go, i call his number and wonder if he will pick up... It goes to voicemail, but that means i get to hear his voice and his laugh again, which makes everything a little bit easier. Just gotta take it day by day, but the pain still sits there haunting me. His voicemail starts and I sit on my bed to take a moment to listen as i hold my breath to ease the pain. Just like a bolder dropping on my chest he spoke "Hey it's Grant, if you are hearing this then I am either busy or really dont wanna talk to you right now *chuckles* but either way you can either shoot me a text or i'll call you back when I can. Thanks, hope you have a day that makes you crave the next and you find what makes you happy in this crappy world, Cya". Just before the line beeps I disconnect the phone call. I am already up and my bath water is ready, I underwind and sink to my nose in the water, I lay there wondering how he felt, if he struggled like I am, or if he even tried. The water is still and it is dead silent, as i slowly sink under the hot water and feel my lungs struggle for hair. I don't wrestle around, I just lay there and escape into thought and before I know it i start seeing darkness around my vision and glide up into and feel the high I get off the oxygen entering my body for the first time in minutes. The feeling is an intense rush, a high almost.....
I use to be happy and inspirational until he died, and thinking it and saying it out loud makes it worse, but it helps to pick me back up. Since he's left my inspiration and my happiness is gone, everything is bland. Nothing has color and nothing seems to be the same, because he isn't here. I get angry sometimes for him leaving me but it always fades...
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Grant was all she had left, when it came to them growing up their father was an abusive man that found comfort in the devilish things in life. Life was rough but they kept up and matured fast, Grant always had Sofia's back. He was her protector no matter what situation, they were more than brother and sister; they were best friends. They had the dream relationship that all siblings wish they had. They grew up and stayed close, they had each others back and sooner or later they overcame the curse of their father and made a life for themselves. Their mother was a ghost, their father fell into a pit when they got old enough to care for themselves and each other. He never recovered but he sure left physical and emotional scars on his children.
When Sofia was 19 she fell in love with a good man,his name was Alex, Grant approved and she was beginning her life. They were together for years, but one day a bad accident ended Sofia's love and she was damaged. Alex was killed by a drunk female driver. The woman had two other people with her in the vehicle, she was so intoxicated that her large truck completely topped Alex's small car. He was unconscious on impact and bled out within minutes. The woman who had killed him was killed on impact, she had a 12 day old daughter at home, the man in the car survived, the woman in the backseat was sent to the hospital and was to be released three days later but died of internal bleeding. The accident hit everyone hard, Sofia mostly.
. When she found out she collapsed into Grant's arms, she was dying inside because after awhile you get attached to people and when you lose them, it hurts worse than anyone can imagine until it happens to them.
Grant pulled Sofia out of her depressed state and she found happiness, she laid Alex to rest and went on living. Grant never fell in love, he dated, but never found his true person.
Not even a year ago Grant passed away from a boat accident off the coast of Florida on a summer vacation with a bunch of friends. Grant was flown off a boat and the accident and temperature of the water shocked him so much that he drowned in an instant. He was found a few minutes later by his friends, emergency was called and Sofia had lost the only person she had left. It's been almost a year since he died and she still hasn't laid him to rest. When Grant Thorn died, so did Sofia Thorn..
