Escape // Jacob Sartorius

"I'm Your New Mom"

Don't get me started on Aunt Mindy.

Let me give you the rundown:

She's so annoying. She's Donald Trump's campaign lawyer (true story). She's been divorced like 18 times. She gets really into political arguments, and she will cut a bitch if she finds out someone disagrees with her. She doesn't have a filter and says what she wants. Speaking of filters, she's so ugly not even the pretty Snapchat filters make her look good.

There you have it. Aunt Mindy, ladies and gentlemen.

"Oh Lauren, I see you've gained some weight since I last saw you during the wedding, what, 15 years ago?" she says snootily, turning to face Mrs. Sartorius, who inhales slowly.

"Yes, that was fifteen years ago. I see you've gained some husbands since I last saw you, too," she replies. Aunt Mindy looks offended, but she quickly regains her bitchy look.

"Well, I see we're off to a good start. But I'm not here for you right now. Meredith, sweetie, how have you been?" Mindy says sweetly.

"Are you kidding me? Do you even know what happened?" I stare at her, angry. What's up with everyone acting like nothing happened?

"Obviously, doll. The police called me because I'm the closest relative, since I live in D.C. Clearly, because I work in politics," she replies in a "duh" tone. Mindy twirls her platinum blonde overly-poofy curls. I roll my eyes. Her dye job looks awful with her too-dark eyebrows.

"Lauren," Aunt Mindy calls, "can you bring me some iced tea ASAP?"

"Sure thing, Mindy," Mrs. Sartorius says, obviously very annoyed. She exits the room, muttering to herself.

I sit down in the living room across from Mindy.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, embarrassed to be related to her.

"Excuse me, can you put some real clothes on? I don't need to see all that." Aunt Mindy looks at me, clearly judging my outfit.

I completely forgot I was still in my bathrobe! I push past Jacob, who's standing there looking very offended and confused, and run up to my room. I rummage through my drawers looking for something to wear. I put on a plain white shirt that has black around the collar and my black high-waisted distressed denim shorts. I take my hair out of the towel and notice it's already almost dry. I mist some of my sea salt beach wave spray onto my hair and scrunch it. Hey, a girl's gotta look cute.

I hate Aunt Mindy so much. Why does she have to come and ruin everything? She's an embarrassment. As I walk back downstairs, I hear my phone ding.

Unknown Number- Hey this Jasmine! Are you doing ok? Need a friend?

Meredith- oh my gosh yes please come over and save me

I know, I know, five minutes ago I slapped her and cussed her out but she's one of the few people I have.

Jasmine- be right there! I'm bring some ice cream!

See, she can't be that bad.

Meredith- ok doors open when you get here.

I turn my phone off and decide to face my crazy aunt.

"Why are you here?" I ask a second time. Mindy sits up and rolls her eyes at me.

"Well I'm your new mom," she says like it's no big deal.

"WHAT? EW NO WHY!?!" I shout. I absolutely cannot deal with Aunt Mindy until I turn 18.

"That's what I said! Well, since my sister decided to jump off a bridge and screw up my life, and your grandparents are too crusty and old to want you, I'm all you have," she says, slightly pissed.
Oh My God. No.

"Seriously, Aunt Mindy? Aren't you too busy traveling around, kissing Donald Trump's ass? How can you take care of me?"

"I'm working that out. Clearly the reason that I'm here."

"How did you get here so fast?" I ask.

"Well, Donald is having a rally in Washington DC tonight. Do you dumb children ever pay attention to what's important? I was only 20 minutes away," she tells me.

I hear the front door swing open and Jasmine struts in, holding a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
She runs up to me and gives me a long hug. I really needed it. My stress levels are soaring. When we pull apart, Aunt Mindy grabs the tub of ice cream from Jasmine.

"Thanks!" she says and walks away into the kitchen.

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing?" Jasmine yells, running after her.

I can't help it, I giggle slightly. I'm just so annoyed with everything that's going on that I just want to laugh.

"Come back here fatass! It's not like you can run far!" I hear from the kitchen.

Jacob comes walking down the stairs slowly.

"Meredith? What the hell is going on?" he asks, his eyebrows raised.

"Oh, that's my Aunt Mindy. She's a psycho, trust me, I know," I reply, rolling my eyes.

"Oh. That sucks," he says, shrugging sympathetically.

Jasmine finally comes strutting back into the living room, ice cream in hand. With a huff, she plops down on the couch and rolls her eyes.

"Meredith, your aunt is fat as hell. Maybe you should get her to sign up for weight loss classes. She could really use them," Jasmine says, opening the tub of ice cream. Mmm. Cookies and cream.

"I agree. Thanks for coming over, by the way," I reply, plopping down next to her on the couch.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Jacob asks. Oops, I totally forgot he was here.

"Well-" I begin, but Mindy walks back in as I open my mouth.

"So, Meredith, Lauren Needs-To-Shut-Her-Mouth Sartorius and I decided it would be best for me if I just left you here with them. That's fine with you, right?" Mindy asks. I breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Yes! Aunt Mindy, believe me, that's 100% fine with me," I reply happily.

"Good, I don't have to take care of you. Alright, well, I'll send you $100 a week to pay for your expenses. I have legal custody of you, so pretend this is a long visit if anyone asks. I'm also coming back soon to plan your mom's funeral. Well, toodaloo! Don't wanna spend any more time with these idiots," Mindy says hurriedly. I grin to Jasmine as Mindy turns her back and starts to open the door.

"Bye, Mindy," I say as she walks out and closes the door.

"Thank God that walking Burger Queen just left. She should go on that one show, My 500 Pound Life?" Jasmine laughs, scooping up a large spoonful of ice cream.

"Well, Jacob, guess I'm stuck with you now," I say with a smile.

"Fine by me," he replies, grinning back.

A/N: hey! sorry it took so long to update! don't worry, the romance will start soon! :)