Moment

//[EDITED]//

She was looking outside through the hospital window.

Sitting in silence as she observed. The dawn was breaking. Enjoying the view of the sky if it wasn't for that seven-storey building contrary to the hospital. Good thing they were on the 3rd floor, she can still see the beauty of nature.

A bag of popcorn on her hand and a cold coffee on top of the table adjacent to where she was sitting. It was too early for that. Her mom would have probably scolded her already, saying it's not healthy and that it would make her tommy ache.

But no, in fact, her mom was the one who told her to buy whatever she wants.

Then she thought about life.

"Polly."

How overwhelming it is.

"Polly."

How exaggerating.

"Polly." She snapped out of her thoughts, realizing her mom was calling out for her.

She stood up and walk to her mom, sitting at the bed side as she reach for her mother's hand and held it.

"Yes mom, I'm here."

Her eyes were still closed, it seems like she was just sleep talking.

"Polly, dear, where's your sister? Mona?"

She sign heavily.

"Mom, I don't have a sister." Thinking of how her mother wanted her second child to be named after her favorite book character.

"Where's your dad?"

She sign again.

"Mom, ...dad's dead. Remember?" Speaking about it makes memory flashback on her head.

The sadness, the hurt, the sorrow. How it pierces through her heart like a knife. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And to think she's going to feel those all over again.

"Oh, but that can't be. I just saw him entered this room. We even talked."

Those words got her. Something inside her triggered, making her want to go out and search for her dad thinking, 'maybe he's just there all this time.' Something called, hope.

But... she knew the truth. Her dad is gone, forever. She watched him suffer from the same illness.

"Polly,"

Her heart skipped a beat.

She replied with a short hum.

For a moment, the silence occupied them both. It's like it was something that made unsaid words to be felt. It wasn't the warm and comforting kind of silence, it was something disturbing. But then again, it was just brief.

"Goodbye."

Those words left her mom's lips so casually, like she's just going to the mall or somewhere else.

She remember her mom saying that when she was about to buy her cake.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? You used to be really excited about buying your birthday cake every year, right?"

"Nah," Her eyes were still focused on her phone, typing something. "I'm not a kid anymore, mom."

Her mom nods in agreement, "Yes, yes. But, won't you just come with me? Spend a spare of your time."

"Mom, you're fine on your own, right?"

"Yeah."
"Goodbye, Polly."

Goodbye, mom.

Dumbfounded, she stare in space.

Still holding her mom's hand.

When she felt her mom gently squeezed her hand, she looked at her mom realising she has already opened her eyes.

Observing her beautiful face. Her pretty brown eyes, long lashes, her thin brows, not so pointy nose, her perfect pale lips, her wavy black hair mixed with white, and her face. She was getting thinner and thinner every each day.

"Y-yeah. Goodbye, mom."

Her mom smiled, a smile that means a lot. A smile that can't be explained verbally.

Her mom slowly closed her eyes. She decided to say the words she had never said to her parents.

"I- I love you... mom."

___________________________

Life.

How confusing.

How wonderful.

How painful.

How unfair it was.

That is Life.

For a moment, it makes you wanna enjoy it. For a moment, it makes you wanna end it.

For a moment it makes you wanna steal it. Just a... spare.

Wearing the same black dress and white rubber shoes, she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

She's a grown-up sixteen years old girl. She was getting tall, she has the features of both her parents. She was beautiful. Her parents would always remind her of that. No matter what.

A tear made it's way out of her eye.

Another one escape.

Until it started dripping like rain. She fall to the cold floor. Silently letting the tears go.

Why?

She has been asking that all this time without realizing it.

Why?!

She want it back. Those moments she wasted.

"WHY????!!!!" She screamed to the top of her lungs.

But she can't.

'Cause it's something she lost that she can never get back.

"Why?" She said softly, giving up, strength already drained.

She laid on the floor as she let sleep surmount.

Her mother only wanted a spare of her time. Now she's the one begging for it.