The Millionaire's 'Friend' - Natasha's Story

Chapter 26 - Back To Hospital

Not seeing Evan was killing me. How long had it been – two weeks? One? A few days? In truth, it was so crystal clear in my memory it might have only happened a few hours ago.

My mind replayed it over and over – and it was tearing me apart. The look in his eyes as I stepped back from him; the utterly unreadable expression etched across his face as I gave him an ultimatum........friends or nothing; and then the heart shattering moment as he turned and walked away in utter silence.

I kept running my mind through what was said – trying to find some moment where I could have done things differently and not lost my friend – but I was coming up blank.

It's not like I'd lied to him. I'd said from the beginning that I didn't date; that for me a relationship was out of the question.

But that heart wrenching question – why don't you want me – it haunted my dreams. How could he think I didn't want him? After the way I'd kissed him back, it must have been obvious how much I did. Unless, maybe I did it wrong. I wasn't that experienced at kissing – I usually tried to avoid it. But with Evan it felt amazing and I wanted to do it. If that's what it felt like when I kissed wrong then I couldn't wait to find out what it would be like when I did it right. Not that I'd get that chance, not with Evan anyway – I couldn't. He was too intoxicating, a threat to my way of life, my control. The problem had never been that I didn't want Evan. The complete opposite of that was the issue.

The days since I'd seen him had been utter torture. I'd spent hours every night staring at my phone, willing for it to ring or to chime with the arrival of a text message. I'd sat holding it in my hands, tapping the begins of an apology and then deleting it quickly terrified I might accidentally hit the send button. I felt like a piece of me was missing; as though my heart was no longer there – just an empty void.

I'd run passed the end of his street and dropped by the coffee shop far more than I usually would. I thought, if I could just run into him by accident and strike up an easy, natural conversation it would help. But I hadn't seen any sign of him.

Due to work I'd been in Central a handful of times but, even though my finger hovered over the fifty button in the lift, I couldn't bring myself to go up and see him. I couldn't stand the thought of being shut down and receiving that final dismissal from his life.

"Hey Nat." A cheerful voice called to me as I walked through the open doors of the Hutch. I looked up to see Duane, one of our van drivers, walking towards me whipping his long dreadlocks over his shoulder as he went. "Long-time no see. Woah, you ok?"

"Uuurgh!! I'm fine." I snapped. "Why the hell does everyone keep asking me that?!"

"Erm, no reason." Duane gave me a wide birth and carried on his way out the door.

Ignoring the glances I received from a couple of other colleagues, I made my way to the bank of employee lockers. The little mirror on the inside of my door told me the answer to my own question. I looked ill. There was no getting around it. I was pale and drawn and I'd even lost a little weight; my tight leathers had a little extra give than usual.

I closed the door and rubbed my temples trying to clear the constant fuzzy ache that had set up camp in my skull. Behind my eyes those unwelcome tears also made their presence felt, bubbling away like a hot spring.

I smiled weakly at Cherry on reception. As she turned back to her computer I skated my eyes around and then dipped my hand in the jar of lollipops meant for customers. Nothing seemed to touch the ache in my chest but a cherry lolly might have made the day pass a little easier.

I whipped the wrapper off and stuck it in my mouth as I headed into the common room only Ziggy was inside so I instantly pulled it back out and tried to hide it behind my hand. Without looking up from the coffee table Ziggy said, "I know you take the lollipops Nat – everyone does."