The New Year
January 3rd 2011
The day everyone goes back to work unless you've decided your unwell, and therefore take one more day even it would make no difference and you don't get paid. I work as a Secretary at a Lawyers Firm in London. I sit at the usual cardboard future desk all companies but from ikea because they think its modern and fun, but in reality it is really just a bunch of Swedish retards designing them and calling it contemporary. but the annoying thing is all my colleges are slightly higher than me so think that they are far more superior, they show this by not putting personal things on their desk to give an impression they are far too sophisticated for Nick knacks or flowers in their work place. unfortunately the stereotypical bitch I'm opposite, seems to be the most up tight of them all. as she swaggers in to the office, almost exactly in 3, 2, 1, 'morning Liz!' in her highly supreme voice, recently i seem to have become her work maid as every fucking piece of paper she gets i have to find a suitable home for it (wherever that is) once she even gave me her husbands death certificate, and 'personally' asked me to drive 70 miles to smiths funeral directors and hand it in, when i consulted my boss about this ridicules situation, he simply replied with well 'Elizabeth, you are a very understanding person', most of those words were too slow and ridiculously patronising for my brain to understand. For most of patritia's usual rabbit about how gays should be banned and how the government is ruining the countryside, in walks a god.
A seriously gorgeous man, who goes by the name Jeffery, hmm a little posh but i'm wont be complaining later. he had the most sexy hair i had ever seen. As i was in the middle of fantasising over the man who was crafted by angles, when i can hear this annoying rats noise ranting on about how i should be getting back to work, usually to pass time with her useless crap i like to see how many times she can critisize me in a minute, her personal best was 54, although that was the day i said i had accidentally threw her dog into the river when i agreed to walk it (another one of her jobs for me), so have you got your watches ready? ready... go! '' Liz! what are you wearing, you know its awfully cold out side you look like a starving prostitute'' that's 1 '' oh Elizabeth! why have you filed Mr. Colman's details over here, you know they are supposed to be filled next to Mrs. wrights, your so useless! you're like fat bull in a china shop, always messing things up and looking terrible at the same time'' and that's 2. From there she decided to stop, which was lucky for me because i literally wanted to rip the inside of my ears out and choke her with it.
At that time Karen decides to ring, the conversation awfully went like this
''Hello Grovner Lawyers you're speaking to Liz, how can i help?''
''sniff, he was married! urhhh her her heer!''
''Karen! For fuck sake I'm at work, why are you ringing me now?!''
''Because i needed someone to talk to...''
''yes but you could have waited 2 hours until i had finished...''
''I know but i'm really upset because i found the ring in his pocket and he was erm and *sniff* i was like why didn't you tell me and... and then he kicked me out *sniff* *sniff*...''
''Karen what have we talked about? all boys are cunts! they are c-u-n-ts''
At that point Jeffery walked over and gave a disheartening look i was frozen like a steel rock, in an attempted to make this look less awkward i carried on with ''i-n-g-n-e-s-s, thank you for calling we will send your telegram right away!'' What the fuck was i thinking? this is 2011 not Churchill's England?! He then said
''telegram eh?''
''yes'' i replied nervously
''i er didnt know they still did them''
''yes! of coarse we're trying to get them back in fashion...''
''oh so im sure you used dots and lines for telegrams?''
'(in my head)'''...Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck''
''oh well i guess ill be getting off then''
It ended with an awkward good bye
Liz what the fuck have you done?
