Closure

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A World Without You

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A World Without You

Six months later
4:30 pm
I'm sipping on my iced tea. The apartment seems to be rather cold than usual.
A message popped up.
Commander sent the address of the target. I feel like they're sending me easy target after her.
Her again.
I need to focus. I take out the map of the city. Deadline is still one week from now. I look at the calendar again. There's still 10 days  before the 15th.
I take a deep breath and focus on the map again.

15th July
12:45 am
I'm here again. The apartment I stayed in during the missionTKW. The apartment which had the view of her apartment.

The 15th of every month is my cheat day. The day I can buy myself a big size pizza and watch the night turn into dawn. One night of the month when she's the only thing I think about. The only day I can let the guilt consume me all over again.

16th December
I missed my 15th this month. Maybe I don't have to do it every month anymore. I should give up that apartment keys to the main office soon, they've been asking.

                             Long Time

15th January
9:45 pm
I felt a drop of water on my eyelids. I looked up the sky, it was raining. I looked around as I pushed in to the lobby door.
The interior of the building changed during the last year. They  changed the floor tiles to marble, the lobby looks like a hotel lobby now and also the receptionist is now a man with a tired face.
He didn't notice me as I walked past him towards the elevator. I took out the keys I carry around with me from my wallet. I haven't attached it with any key rings. Perhaps this is how I'm holding on to the only memory I have of her.
I opened the door and looked around the empty house with damp walls. Stepping in, I locked the door from the inside. I sat on the cold floor and struggled with the pins of the food parcel. I realised I don't always remember her in everything I do anymore. Perhaps, I'll forget her in a year or two.

It was cold inside too. I took my coat and started putting it on as i got up. I should stop smoking so much. It's really going out of hand now a days. I opened the window as a cold breeze rushed through my bones. The loud chattering of the city seemed blissful. Silence never made my nerves calm, it somehow triggered some loud noises in my head which would lead to a headache. I looked towards the high rise apartment parallel to the window. Everything seemed just like it was the year before.
I blew out the cigarette smoke towards the window. My eyes stopped wandering on her apartment. The lights were on.

It couldn't be. Had they already rented it to someone else?
I took out my binoculars with my hands sweating just like it did last year. I was almost too scared to look through it. As my eyes gazed through, it was her with those melon trousers having cereal and of course using her phone religiously.
I couldn't believe my own eyes.
No.
It couldn't  be.
But it was her.
I'm not quite sure what I felt. But this feeling was oddly familiar. Like the first time in 10th grade when you get your heart broken by the girl with blue eyes and blonde hair. My heart started aching so much it felt like I couldn't breathe. It was getting tougher every second, time was going faster somehow. I could feel the sweat on my skin but I was shivering.
How could she still be alive?I remember it all. Was it all just a dream? But it couldn't  be, I felt the hollow empty space spreading in my body from my stomach when her body stopped breathing. I waited till her body turned blue, till the room was filled with the odour of death. I waited till someone picked me up and took me in a car. Was it all just a dream? A dream that felt too real? 

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