PAPERCUT

32 | her

chaemin
Fuck. why are you saying this to me?
Fuck|
F|
I miss you|
I miss y|
I m|
I|
I want to see you so bad|
I want to see|
I want|
I love you. please don't do this to me

The girl stared at the screen, her eyes fixated on the send button. chaemin had read the boy's message countless of times and she badly wants to see him. she wants to see the only one who could make everything alright, she doesn't even care if her heart will be just shattered into pieces once more.

"noona?" chaemin heard that familiar voice that always made her feel loved, as her attention was deliberately snatched away into his childhood friend who sat beside her with a face contorted into a painful expression, she unconsciously pressed the send button on the phone.

"kook-" she was just about to ask how he was able to find her.

"what'cha doing alone here?"

"i . . you know ." she stuttered unable to find the words to speak as her eyes lowered to the ground of the playground, it was the place that held so much memories between jimin and chaemin.

it was the same hidden playground-where jimin and chaemin used to hang around to have themselves alone with each other's company ever since a child.

"I thought you were trying to move on?" the boy asked again the boy's eyes did not leave hers. it certainly hit a nerve on the girl. 

 chaemin opened her lips to say something but closed it once more right after knowing she couldn't say anything-- anything to answer the venomous question from the boy.

"why do you still love him?" chaemin's head snapped to face jeongguk's face.

"what's so perfect about jimin, Chi?" the boy uttered once more as his eyes seek for an answer all while using the long lost endearment he had always wanted to call the only woman who had his heart for so long.

"i . ." the girl averted her eyes from the mesmerizing brown ones of the boy, as she felt herself shrink within every question.

"why chi? why . . just tell me. why can't.." jeongguk paused, his voice cracking at the middle of his sentence as he find his heart shatter- a countless of time already.

" . . why can't it be me, chi?" jeongguk continued as his voice staggered and he found himself shedding tears.

the sight completely broke chaemin's heart to hear her childhood friend confess to her over and over again when she can't even reciprocate his feelings.

he sobbed. "I love you more than anyone . ." chaemin knew that, she knew how jeongguk treasured her more than anyone else. but, there was only one person inside her heart and mind.

"i've been loving you since i was in diapers." but the boy meant nothing but a little brother and best friend to her.

"jimin only came first in about two years . . if only i was made by my parents a little earlier than he was, then maybe . . maybe we could be together and you wouldn't even shedding any tears"

"don't you know that my mom said that you're name was my first word?" chaemin thought that it would've been better if she fell in love with jeongguk instead of the park jimin who made her suffer in depression for two years.

"i'd be willing to be used chi, please . . i just wanna be with you," he begged as his hands inched to touch hers.

chaemin felt the warmth of jeongguk's hand soothe her as it was very calming. jeomgguk's touch made her feel calm that she was afraid of hurting her best friend, she was so afraid. she never wanted to use someone just to be a rebound, most especially if it is her most treasured best friend.