Strength and Mercy

This Means War

Ava was stuck. The last few weeks of balancing her work and personal life were riddled with obstacles and she was unsure what to do. Though she made pleas to the pastor, council members, committees, and officials about the shelter's financial state everyone was giving her the run around or dismissive. She'd been so wrapped up in work that she barely had time to have a social life. The only thing she had time for was going to the gym and decompressing at home. She tried to reach out to Mother Henson but somehow she gave Ava the slip. On top of that, her sex life was a joke and the vibrator wasn't cutting it anymore. The frustration was building to the point that Ava was snapping at innocents and becoming increasingly isolated. At times like these she liked to lock herself in her office and listen to old soul music. She dug her bluetooth speaker from the bottom drawer and set it to her phone. When the connection was made she put her playlist on shuffle and Otis Redding's voice crooned "The Dock of the Bay". She reclined in her chair, crossed her legs on the desk, and let the music take her. She felt the tension ease from her body as she focused on her breathing and cleared her mind. She let herself drown in the lyrics of "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" and "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". She snapped out of her meditation when she heard a sharp knock at the door. She rushed to door while fixing her wine colored sheath dress and stumbled over an object on the floor.

"Hey! Are you OK in there?" Asia called.

A smile spread on Ava's face, "Girl, I'm all over the place. Just give me a sec."

When Ava finally opened the door her and Asia embraced. They were an odd pairing with Asia being light-skinned, five-foot-one with ample curves and natural hair while Ava was brown-skinned, five-foot-seven, mostly slender, and straightened hair. They had been best friends since college but because they worked in separate departments they barely saw each other. 

"I was coming by to see Dan about something but when I heard that soul music I said to myself 'oh Lawd, there she goes again'," Asia teased.    

Ava laughed. "I know, I've had that habit since forever but it works!"

Ava shut the door as the two friends caught up. Since Asia brought her workbag it was easy to cover up their social visit if anyone walked by. Ava shared her blow up with Mother Henson and Asia shared her frustrations about coping with coming out of an abusive relationship. This led to Asia exclaiming why she and Ava needed start their own establishment catering to the needs of Black women and girls. Even in college, both women were passionate about women's issues but more so with Women of Color and how they were often failed by the system. Ava always loved the idea and started a fund for it years ago but she was unsure if she could leave Saving Grace.   

"I know it'll be stressful for you but you're already doing like four jobs. At least do them being your own damned boss," Asia voiced.

Ava nodded her head in agreement, "I know but...it's just...I've invested so much into this and I don't know if I could do that for anything else."

Asia sighed, "You know what I can't stand about you? You have so much worth and potential but you don't see it. And what's worse, these people are taking advantage of you and riding your back like a mule and you let them because you're scared to branch out."

The words stung but deep down she knew Asia was right. She often did things outside her job description but often categorized as doing what she had to.  

"You've worked harder than anyone else in this department yet they won't promote you but give you more responsibilities! Sometimes, I wish you stand up for yourself the way you do the shelter."

"But this shelter isn't about me, it's about the needs of others," Ava said, defensively.

"How can you take care of and uplift anyone else if you can't take care of yourself and see your fuckin' worth?" Asia asked.