Skinny Love

Uncomfortable

He hates the way he looks.
He's thin as a rail, but he eats so much.
Probably too much.
He curses himself for having such a fast metabolism, or whatever's going on.
He feels like there's something seriously wrong with him.
He's not happy because he's not muscular really in the least and he's so very very thin.
And he knows the girls usually go for the guys who can at least pick them up.
He tried picking up a girl once when she was injured and he couldn't hold her weight for but a minute and collapsed on top of her.
He feels weak.
He begins to write to try and let out the frustrations he has with himself.
But he ends up throwing the pen across the room and punching something instead.
Then he lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling, pondering on things in his loneliness.
He tries to sleep, but something keeps him awake. He is uncomfortable.
He curses himself for cursing himself for having a healthy body that's just fine and complaining about it.
He curses himself for worrying so much about what others think of him.
And yet, as he looks in the mirror, once again,
He wonders if he really should be worried.
But he figures, even if he should, that's it's not worth it to go through the embarrassment and stress of telling someone.
Worrying if they'll judge him for it.
Wondering if they have any more answers than he does.
And the worst of all, thinking of ways to beat himself up about his visit to the doctor if he chooses if nothing is wrong and gets told to be a big boy and tough it out?
No, he decides.
I'm not going to ask for help.
I'll just continue hoping for a miracle.
Now is not the time to be selfish.
He leaves his thoughts at that, and gets a few minutes of peace from this detrimental thinking...
Until the voice in his head pipes up and reminds him that he could always use his father's secret weapon...
He debates the pros and the cons of grabbing the bottle that sits in the cabinet in the bathroom.
He almost decides against it, but he figures that the consequences of taking his father's steroids would override the emotional and physical pain he's been feeling and make everything better.
He didn't see it as running away from his problem,
He saw it as a solution.
And so he swallowed the pills,
And thought...
Well, no turning back now.