Second chances

Part 4

We sat across from each other at the table, sipping freshly brewed coffee.
"I think we should move in together," I said, staring into her hazel eyes. She stared back and was silent for a minute, leading me to believe I has made a mistake. Then, "I think I would like that."
I smiled and she smiled. We sipped coffee again, returning to silence and eventually logistics. We eventually decided it would make more financial sense to move into my apartment and save the cost of this tiny yet still expensive house. We finished our coffee and smiled at each other once more.

I heard a knock on the door and got up to check through the peephole. I already knew who it was, but I glanced anyway. Jen stood in the hall with her bags and wearing a huge smile. I opened the door and she walked through, her bags stuck behind the door. After some adjustment, however, she was inside. "Ok, let's unpack!" she practically screeched as she ran for the bedroom. I jogged to follow and we unzipped her suitcases She unloaded her clothes on the bed and I put them in the closet and dresser. Personal items were up next, and she had no shortage of those. Once we were done unpacking everything. She smiled (god, she does that a lot) and said "this has to be the start of something great"
"and how are you so sure," I teased.
"I just know it."
And I just knew I was gonna hate my life. Well, for the most part. Love, like heroine, is one of the few things that can cheer you up when you despise yourself and wish you would be killed in a freak accident or aliens would blow up the world so you wouldn't have to experience one more day of this pile of shit we call a planet. They're also both on the list of things I've only tried once. Not important though. "Me too," I replied with an actually genuine smile. We got up and headed to the living room where jen hopped onto the couch. I sat down with her and we turned on the tv as background noise. "What should we do now?" I asked
"I think I have an idea."

"What's this?" Jen asked
"Nothing, It's nothing," I assured her as I slid my bicep with the horizontal cut marks under the sheets as inconspicuously as I could.
"Alex, are you.."
"No, I just-" I said as a lump formed in my throat. I was about to cry, but I couldn't.
"Alex, it's ok. You can tell me things like this, it's alright."
The tears started coming, one dripped down my face. Then another, and another. Then I was crying.
"I can't do this," I said, the words being muffled through my tears.
"How long have you, well-"
"A long fucking time, too long."
"Look, we'll talk and then I think it's best you get help."
"No, I...I can't, I just-"
"We'll see."