7 Steps of Love

Step - 7.7: Trying Hard

Yousef and Lilly came back from the party at Yousef's apartment, she hugged him and thanked him for being there with her and for not reacting negatively to Aman's presence.

"Thank you for today" Lilly said as she kissed his forehead.

"Why?" asked Yousef.

"For not reacting much to Aman's presence" she said.

"Well.. I know you belong with me, and I trust you, I trust him with you as well" Yousef said.

"You trust him? What do you mean?" Lilly asked.

"I know he won't cause you any type of harm, he is a good man" he said.

"Yes... He is a good man... But he isn't MY man. My man is with me over here" Lilly said as she put her head on Yousef's chest.

"I love you" Yousef said.

"I know you do" Lilly replied.

Lilly wanted to be intimate with Yousef, but he was reluctant, all the guilt that he had in his mind and heart, always came in between them, Lilly understood him but it was difficult for her to cope with it. Yousef was still guilt-ridden and Lilly didn't want him to be that way, but she knew how he was like. She tried to understand his condition and didn't insist on it. They both slept. She woke up in the morning and went to her apartment she did her work and to replied to her business inquiries. She knew she couldn't compromise her work cause of her relationship with Yousef, she knew she had an individual identity as well. Yousef understood that very well. He gave her some time alone. They both were going through a difficult phase in their relationship, but they knew what they were signing up for. They knew they were both very difficult people, Lilly was a busy girl, Yousef was a sensitive guy, they were both quite different yet very same. But they put in efforts in this budding relationship as losing each other wasn't an option anymore.

The next day, Yousef decided he had to let go of his insecurities, he decided to surprise Lilly in her apartment, he had the key to it, and while she was out he decorated it with candles and flowers, he got her Skittles, Unicorn plush toys and some of her favorite items. Lilly entered her apartment, Yousef was nowhere to be found, she went to the bedroom and was surprised of the decor he had done.

"Yousef....." as she was about to say something he hushed her by putting his hands on her mouth.

"I know you are surprised, but I've been noticing you aren't happy with the way I am nowadays, so I want to change myself, for our relationship, for you... Hence the decoration" he said.

"Yousef... You don't have to change yourself for anyone, but you" she said.

"Yeah, I mean yes, for you and for my own self someone explained it to me, I went to a friend's house, and she explained her point of view to me, and I am trying to be there for you...I don't think I am explaining myself properly" Yousef said.

"No, I don't think you are" Lilly said. 

"Because so far you've explained to me is that while you barely touched me in months, tonight you were tempted" she continued.

"No no... You don't understand" Yousef said.

"That's the great thing.... Can't you see? I've been trying to find a way back to you for such a long time, but I just couldn't... But it was you who made me realize this..." he said.

"Me?" she asked.

"Yes, when you were with Aman... I mean seeing you two together, kind of made me realize that I was fortunate enough to be able to call you my woman. You know it made me a bit insecure to see you with him, I thought I might lose you, so I had to make up my mind and I decided to no longer be insecure, by removing this distance that we had between us for such a long time" he said.

"So you felt of finding a way towards me by seeing me with another man? You were afraid he will take me away from you?!" she asked.

"No... No.. That wasn't what I was trying to say... You know I've been struggling with insecurities all my life" Yousef said.

"Struggling?! Do you know what I've been struggling with?! Trying to be patient with you, and trying to understand you.. I've been doing this while focusing on my work as well!" she said. 

"Of course I do" Yousef said.

"No you don't! I've been going through all this on my own!" Lilly said.

"I am here... I am with you.. We will work it out together. But I don't think you understand what it has been like since my accident" Yousef said.

"Well then tell me for God's sake! Talk to me! Make me understand!" Lilly said.

"There is a place inside of me, the place I think everyone keeps to themselves.. Where most of your secrets reside, but after my accident.. It was like my secret place was just torn apart. It took away my identity from me. The thing that lived inside me was exposed, I was exposed, my addiction was exposed, my vulnerability was exposed... In front of my friends, specially in front of you... That's where I've been ever since, that guilt... Of me being exposed.. I've been there... Alone.." he said.

"I need to go..." he continued.

"Where are you going?" Lilly asked.

"Some place nice" he said, he kissed her cheek and left the apartment.