Better Off Without You || H.S.

riGht iN thE feEELLSS! part one

alrighty so this is part one of a two(??) part ... short story that my friend, jen, wrote last night while AAAALLL up in her feels.

I cried, I'm currently crying, and I'm a fuCkING WRECK... so enjoy!(-:

PS- it's in her point of view so...

Today you turn 18.

I'm so excited because I had prepared a gift for you that I had been saving up for and eventually had to make on my own.

I had meticulously crafted a little jar full of little things you love so you can open it and pull one out anytime you felt like it. Whether you was happy or sad, excited or anxious, there was something in there that would mean something to you.

There were many things in the small jar, ranging from notes to sweets to little toys.

When I had excitedly finished my jar and decorated the outside, I showed everyone and told them to keep a secret.

"Don't tell them! It's a surprise!" I said in a hushed voice, a big smile on my face as I explained every detail about my gift as they softly smiled at me and patted my head, almost in a condescending way.

I would go where ever you'd go and we would have the best time on your birthday; trust me. I had this planned since May.

Today, we'd spend the whole day together and I'd get you a flower or a something. I know you like how pretty they can be (though I know you don't like admitting it). Plus, it'll look nice with my gift. Oh, and we can just lie next to each other in the dark. I picked your favorite colors, but then again I know black and anything is good for us.

Do they sell flowers like that? I also got you a card. It has a cute dog on it and I recorded a voice message. You better like it; those cards are like 6 bucks, you know.

I spoke to your mom about my celebration and gift and she looked really happy about it and told me it was a good idea for us. Sometimes I'm really jealous you have a cool mom. Seriously.

Oh! We can also listen to music today. I'll bring my dad's speaker that we would all use when we're at my house. Already spoke to our  third squad member and the party is a go. They'll come later and leave earlier so we have time for ourselves, wink.

Today, you turn 18.

Today you are officially an adult. We can go get fish together at PetSmart one day.
Calvin is still alive which is pretty cool.

Okay, but really. If theres one thing I love doing with you is how I spam you at night and you don't complain. You answer it when you wake up and we laugh along.
You haven't woken up yet today, but I'm still waiting for that text back, you know.

I'm heading to you now. The route there is always so long. You know it take me an hour or more with my legs? Take pity on me please. I hold the strings of the bag tightly in my right hand as if the wind will blow it away.

I enter your home's vicinity and I'm walking on your grass, but I'm hoping you don't mind. After a bit of wandering, I put my bag down near you.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting." I murmur quietly, touching your headstone. I look at the engravings and brush my fingers against the birth date and death date as I remove the dirt tainting the words. I place your present on top of a cloth where you could see it and I lean my head onto your stone and say a faint 'happy birthday'.

I look around for a bit before playing your favorite song quietly as I sit in silence, fiddling with the card, hugging my knees together. Even now, when you can't tease me for a cheesy card, I'm nervous.

I open the card and my 16 year old voice breaks the silence.

"Hello and happy birthday! You're 18 now! I knew you'd make it. Just had to pull through into the adulthood, right? I figured you'd be too lazy to read this, so I decided to get you an audio card! Actually, I'm recording this in 2016, but it'll be nice to hear to look back after hearing me. Back into the weird times, haha."

I fidget with the card, placing it open in front of you.

"Either way, keeping this short since I only have a limited time with this... Happy birthday again! I wish you to have many more with me! See you later, okay?"

Silence fills the air again as I lay the card flat. That was so boring.

I bury my face into my arms as slow tears roll down and I feel the heaviness crash onto my chest.

A few tears turn into many as my rapid breathing turns into quiet, broken sobs of your name.

Today you turn 18.

I really miss you.