Girl Meets True Self

Chapter 2

         

Weeks went by and Maya had not gotten up the courage to say anything about her feelings. Every time Riley talked to her about Lucas she felt a dagger to the heart. She decided she needed to talk to someone about this, and not Riley's parents this time.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket to text Farkle.

Maya: Can you meet me after school? I need to talk to you.

Farkle: Sure. What's up?

Maya: I need to say this in person.

Farkle: Coffee shop after last period?

Maya: See you then.

Immediately after her last class Maya headed to Topanga's and sat at their usual couch. Farkle arrived a few minutes after her and took the seat besides her.

"So what did you need to talk about?"

She took a deep breath and turned to him. "I'm sorry, I just need to talk to someone."

"You can tell me anything, Maya," he smiled. "But why don't you go to Riley?"

"I can't talk to her about this. First I need your word you won't repeat this to anyone or out me like you did to Riley last New Years."

"Ok, first off that was a dick move on my part and I've already apologized to Riley about that. Second I think I know what you want to tell me."

"You do? How do you know?"

"I'm Farkle. I'm a genius."

"Did everyone figure this out before I did?"

"She still hasn't."

"Farkle, what should I do?"

"Tell her, Maya."

"I can't. She's so happy right now. This would only mess that up."

"Did you ever think that maybe she'd be happier with you?"

Tears began to form in Maya eyes and, despite her best efforts, fall down her cheeks. "I can't think that way. I can't get my hopes up. Things don't work out for me, Farkle. I'm so lucky to have her as my best friend. I can't risk that."

"Shawn becoming your dad worked out for you."

"That was a fluke. I'm still waiting for the universe to realize it messed up."

"Maya..."

"I can't tell her this. At least not now."

"What if you tell her once things end with Lucas? That way you don't have to worry about messing anything up for her?"

"You mean if things end?"

"I don't think it's going to last. He's her first crush, plus you said so yourself they are more like brother and sister."

"Maybe." She sat quiet for a moment. "Ok, if things end for Riley and Lucas I'll come clean to her."

"Good," he gave her a sincere smile. "Can I get you a coffee?"

"No, I think it's best if I just go home now. Thanks for the talk." She stood to leave, but Farkle grabbed her wrist.

"You don't need to run off you know."

She nodded and sat back down. Tears pooled in her eyes.

"Maya, are you crying?"

"I just don't know what to do Farkle. You tell me I should tell her. Mr. And Mrs. Matthews told me I should tell her. It would be easier if I could just make these feelings go away."

"It doesn't work that way."

"Well it should! There's something wrong with me, Farkle! I should like boys. Not my best friend who is so not a boy. There's not one boyish thing about her. She's perfect and I'm a mess."

"This isn't just a crush, is it? You're in love aren't you?"

"I don't know. I don't understand these feelings. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"You know I've always love both you and Riley." Maya nodded. "But I was never in love with either of you. When Isadora and I are together its Boylalaloo," he says with a flourish of his arms. Maya laughs at him. "Its different. This is like seeing the world in color for the first time."

"She makes the world seem worth it?"

"Something like that. Every day I wake up with a smile because I know I'll get to see her."

Maya looked down at her lap, "Is that was love feels like?"

"I think its different for every person, but ya it feels something like that."

"I'm in love with her, Farkle," Maya cried. "She's my whole world. How can I risk that?"

"Isn't it a bigger risk to not tell her?"

"Maybe," she looked at him hopelessly. "I'm so lost right now. She's the only one who makes me feel grounded. I need to talk to her about these feelings but she's the one person I can't tell!"

"You can talk to her about this."

"Someday. Maybe. When Lucas isn't in the picture."

"It'll happen for you, Maya. I have to believe that."

She gave him a weak smile, "Can you believe it enough for both of us?"

"I'll do my best."