WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

Chapter 1

It was a serene silence; an odd sense of tranquility. 

One would call it a twisted tranquility, but isn't life itself twisted? The light sprinkle of rain and the thunder growling was in tune to my anguish, my sorrow. Some would say music is the solution to sorrow, that there are always genres that tune into the mood; but for me, it was as if the weather was in sync to my mood. For lack of a better word, it was oddly redeeming...

It was like the rain was washing away all the pain that had accumulated in my heart and soul. I inhaled a big breath of air and slowly exhaled it out; it calmed me, and had become a habit of mine, ever since that day... Don't think about it, my inner conscious spoke out. 

Walking down the sidewalk, the same sidewalk that Heather and I had walked on millions of time before was like a walk down memory lane. As corny as that sounds, it's true. Hunter, my Golden Retriever barked as a zooming car sloshed muddy water all over his fur. I shook my head at the absurdity and carefully bent down to wipe off the mud, as my acoustic guitar was strapped onto my back and I didn't want it to mess up.

It was my lifeline.

Also, Heather gave it to me as a fourteenth birthday present. 

Hunter tried to lick my face but as I grabbed his collar, he stopped. I stood up to wash my hand at the nearby water fountain, it was in front of Seven Eleven, and resumed walking, Hunter falling into step with me. As the rain got heavier, I put up my hoodie to cover my hair, but as usual, my elbow length black choppy layers spilled out, fanning my face and rendering the hood useless. 

It thundered loudly so I tightened my hold on Hunter's leash, and picked up my pace. I was still a couple of blocks away from my house as I was at the park, strumming my guitar and feeling the music when it started to thunder, drizzle, and had gotten considerably colder. 

I walked hurriedly; not taking the subway for fear that someone would recognize me. On the sidewalk, no one gave me second glance; everyone was in hurry to get out of the rain. The only time anyone looked at me was when Hunter barked at squirrels; even then, I was just a normal teenager walking down the sidewalk. When I passed a basketball court, a kid who was shooting hoops glanced at me and as a greeting, yelled, 

"Ey! Look, it's the weird, emo, skater chick who wuz homies wid Heather! Waddupp gurl?" He held out two fingers as peace. I nodded in response, not bothering to inform him that I'm not, in fact, "emo." 

By now, my green Vans Warped Tour '09 hoodie, which was signed by all my use-to-be favorite bands, ripped black skinny jeans, battered Chuck Taylor's, and acoustic guitar were all drenched in rain water. Not to mention I was cold as dead fish in the supermarket. 

The only sound to be heard was the rain drops falling onto the ground and Hunter's panting, but then my cave-man old cell phone started to ring a specific ring-tone, "Yo' Kenny, I'm pretty sure you're playing the guitar. Girl, drop it and pick up the phone! It's Heather! PICK UP THE PHONE! THIS COULD BE AN EMERGENCY! I COULD BE BURNING! NOO!!"  Heather's soprano voice joined the raindrops and Hunter's barks of surprise. Laughter could be heard in the background. God, I've been meaning to change that... For what? Three years? I took out my soaked phone and MOM flashed in neon green letters.    

"Kennedy," I grunted; there was no point in talking more than I needed to. 

"Where are you Kennedy? I've called you nine times! Why haven't you picked up before?" Mom's soft voice scolded, worry etched in her voice despite the scolding. "Are you that busy you can't even bother to answer your phone?" She just had  to add on the last remark. 

"I was at the park with Hunter. I'm two blocks away from home," even though I felt bad that I didn't call her before, my voice still didn't sound like it. Upon hearing his name, Hunter affectionately rubbed his head against my thigh. I ran my fingers through his wet mane of gold fur and sighed. 

"If this was Melody I called, she would've picked up in seconds!" It was deathly silent as I clenched my teeth and breathed heavily. 

It's unnecessary to say, it took me a few seconds for me to compose myself.

"Then you should have called her instead, huh? Why bother calling me, when you just go ahead and assume that I am, quote unquote, too busy to answer my phone." I bit down on the inside of my cheek, trying to refrain myself from saying something else.

"Don't worry. I'm nineteen years old; you know perfectly well I can take care of myself." Silently, I added on, because I have been for the past three years. "And besides, I wander around town during the summer," I stated, ignoring her silence. 

"How can I not worry? With what happened to Heather..." I sucked in a painful breath. Boy, you sure know how to revive painful memories, don't you Mom?

"I know how to defend myself, Momma." There was a deafening silence. I hadn't called her Momma since that day... After a few more minutes, she softly said, 

"I'm sorry honey, it slipped out. Please hurry up and come home," she pleaded. 

"Just like 'I wish it was you who died instead of her,' that slipped out on that day at court?" I scathingly sneered. 

"Honey- What? Melody-" she spluttered but I cut her off.

"I'm sorry, but did you just utter Melody's name? Well then you have the wrong number!" I growled, really mad at her. 

"Fine, be like that; show an attitude. For all I care, you should stay where you are!" Mom hissed; what a nice person, yeah?

"I'm coming in a few. Don't bother to wait," I murmured, masking the hurt at her jab. You never did wait, did you Mom? I pressed the off button before she could say anything and slipped the outdated phone in my back pocket. 

Why should I try to change her opinion of me when she just expects me to mess up every time?

Sure, it was a little rude of me to do that, but she's been shutting me out of her life for the past three years. She's the one who's trying to make me an exact replica of her. There is no way in this life or the next, am I going to accept her apology. She just wants to be forgiven, she doesn't want to accept her mistake; the mistake she made on that day.  

"C'mon Hunter, we have to get home," I started the short jog back home.   

 . . . 

"Look at you, you're soaked!" Mom fussed when I opened the front door. I shrugged, closed the door, and kicked off my Chucks. Unclasping Hunter's leash, I hung it on the key hanger. Mom came back with a fluffy, red towel and proceeded to rub me dry. 

"Go take a warm shower and come down for dinner." Mom commanded and pointed to the stairs. I just love how she pretends to care, when in reality, she only cares for them.  I nodded and jogged up the stairs. As I walked past his room, Seth, my 22 year-old brother propped his elbow on the threshold and raised his eyebrow. 

"Where were you?" He asked, eyeing my wet clothes. Droplets fell onto the carpet where I stood. 

"Park," I grunted. He nodded and turned around. Before going back into his room, he looked at me with his emerald eyes. 

"Mom's worried about you." The statement lingered in the air. 

"In fact, she's been worrying about you ever since you changed. You were never this quiet, this shell-like," Seth looked at me, pity evident in his emerald eyes. I narrowed my own jade eyes and glared at him. 

I didn't need his pity. 

"What happened, Kenny? Your mischievous, child-like green eyes are now soulless!" Seth huffed. Great, here he was, acting all nice and brotherly. Where were those brotherly acts when I needed them? Where was the over-protective brother behavior then, that day at court?  

"You know what happened, you were there." With those parting words, I went into the bathroom.