Levi x Reader | Lemons | [You Were the One]

In a Moment

The candle flickered in the darkness making my small room move in light. I had just cleaned myself and placed my night dress on. It reminded me of the ones I used to wear when I lived in the underground with the healers and it some what gave me comfort. I grabbed the light green blanket from my bed and wrapped my shoulders in it to keep the cold air from my skin. I was relieved to be back in the solitude of my own room as I dropped down into my desk chair and let out a heavy sigh to myself.
At dinner tonight Hanji wanted to take me to their study and go over basic Titan anatomy. Thankfully Toby intervened, not that I wasn't interested in what Hanji had to say about Titans. It was more that I was tired and I needed some time alone with my thoughts to process all that had happened. I had given Levi my resolve and knew Toby needed that much as well.
Was I really being selfish by staying here? I wanted to know how Levi sees me after all this time. Was I really a burden for him? My mind took me back earlier today when Levi's fingers so delicately moved across my flesh. Why? Why would he do something so suddenly like that? Was he just toying with me? I questioned myself. Toby's words he spoke suddenly echoed in my ear, "I need you to stay focused on what lies ahead." 
There was a small part of me that was frightened to even try to think ahead about what was yet to come. The carnage that I would see scared me. I always tried to be strong for the people around me never showing my weakness to anyone. But I couldn't help the lump in my throat as I thought about all the young cadets that will lose there life for the greater good of humanity. I couldn't save them all and that terrified me more then anything else. I got up and moved to the window, restless now. I was hoping the stars would soothe my worried mind. They were always there guiding me forward whenever I felt like I was lost in the darkness. There peaceful light shining the way for tomorrow. I had a sudden urge to get closer to them. The sound of my bare feet were heard moving across the cold floor to the door as I made the quick decision to go.
The hallway was completely empty except for the candles that were still lit. They casted shadows against the wall that made them look as if they were dancing to no music. The silent of the night hit me and I brought the blanket closer. There had to be a way to get up to the wall walks from here.
The spiral stone staircase came into view at the end of the hallway and I moved a little faster towards it, hopeful that the outside air would make me better understand why I needed to stay here. The stairs led to a small round room with a dark heavy wooden door. That was it, the door that leads out. My excitement grew as I pushed hard and it began to make a loud metallic sound as the old hinges grinned together. A flash of cold air hit me as I silently crept out on to the wall walk. I held my breath as I looked around the large empty space consciously, almost begging to be alone. There was a part of me that was almost expecting to see Levi but there was no one. Slightly relieved I walked over to the edge of the incapment and gazed out at the large crowded sky. I soon got lost in that shining black ocean as I tried to make sense of the feelings that were still painfully present for Levi.
Was he acting this way because he just wishes for me to be safe? It would be just like that silly man to do such a thing. How could I concentrate on my duties when Levi seems to pop up whenever he feels like it to confuse me even more. I should be the one mad at him not the other way around. Toby needs my full attention but I couldn't give it to him all because I couldn't control my own emotions. If we were to go on a mission outside the walls would I just be putting everyones life in danger? I have to prepare myself, not for me but for Levi's sake. If he still loved me at all then I couldn't let myself fall in battle. I couldn't bare him to risk his own life for a stubborn girl like me. There were so many conflicting feelings within me that it slowly began to eat away at my soul and panic began to set in.
Quite quickly the atmosphere around me changed and I knew I wasn't alone anymore. I turned on my heels to see a dark shadow that was near the door looking my way.
"I thought I heard someone lurking about." The all to familiar voice said, sending my heart to quicken its beat.
I turned back around and looked upon the stars wishing them to give me strength as I tried to steady my pulse. I felt his presence next to me and closed my eyes inhaling a large lungful of night air. I'm going to be strong, I'm not going to walk away.