My Dangerously Deep & Depressing Thoughts

Rant

So I just got back from my godmother's house and I so badly want to go back there. My life has been thrown back into the whirlpool of depression within 2 hours of me being home. Great. 

The journey back - fine. 

We got KFC for dinner - amazing. 

My phone couldn't connect to the Wi-Fi - super annoying but I could live with it. 

The rest I'll just say what was happening and going through my mind at the time.

Mum: Okay, so just tip out your suitcase on my bed and then have a nice early night and a deep sleep. Have a lie in. There's no school tomorrow!

Me: (tips out suitcase, shows my sister a picture from when I was away)

Mum: Why aren't you doing what you were told to? Move!

Me: I tipped out my suitcase like you said!

Mum: Yes and now you have to put everything away, like I said.

Me: *no, you didn't* (starts folding things with one hand, still showing sister the picture with the other)

Mum: (snatches phone off me) Get a move on! (walks off with my phone, comes back empty handed)

Me: *thanks, that's just great* (continues folding clothes)

Mum: Well tomorrow, I'll be making lasagne, seeing as your other sister's coming back tomorrow and it's her favourite. Your brother's making a card for her too!

Me: *so she gets a welcome home party and I don't. yay. just what I always wanted* (I break down and go to my room, i see my sculpture is missing) MUM, WHERE'S MY SCULPTURE?

Mum: There was a kind of accident.

Me: *oh no* 

Mum: The cat chewed it so it's in the bin now.

Me:*so the sculpture I spent over eight hours on is now in the bin. I worked so hard on that* Thanks mum. Thanks a lot.

LATER

Me: (hears mum talking to dad on the phone)

Dad: I just wanted to see if I could talk to our eldest.

Mum: No, she can't. She won't want to.

Dad: Is she okay?

Mum: Well, she's already had her phone confiscated.

Dad: Oh. I've got to go now. Bye!

Me: *I wanted to talk to him, I haven't spoken to him for over a week*

So basically when my sister gets back she'll have a kind of welcome home party, dad will be there and she'll have a really nice day. Yet, when I got back, I get a load of jobs to do, my phone taken off of me for an unfair reason, everyone seems repulsed by me and I get to sit and cry with no one helping or comforting me. That was just how I wanted my first day back.

I know this doesn't sound like much but I really feel crap. I've been crying for an hour straight and part of me wants to just live with my godmother. I know I sound like an awful daughter  by saying that but it's true. 

Sometimes, I question my existence. I mean, what's the point of living if no one loves you? Not even I love me at the moment. I try, I really do but it's so hard to keep loving yourself when there's no good reason to.

That's about it for now. Bye.