"I do not flirt with anything that has a pulse," just the male human species, "if a gorilla came up me and asked for a snog I would not flutter my eyelashes at it." Everyone around me paused.
"Yeah you would." I shoulder- shoved Charlie and he toppled into the wall of 'The Mucky Duck'. We were all waiting at the local pub for Ollie to emerge with our pink lemonade. Everyone in this pathetic excuse for a town knew that the pub was really named 'The Black Swan' but no one called it that.
"Soz Tay." I glared at Dylan; he glared back and after only a couple of seconds of holding our dirty looks we both gave in and burst out laughing. "Tay, ignore them, they are just being stupid."
"Thankyou Dylan!" At least there was one person who understood me... not a normal person but a person.
"You can flirt with me anytime though," I rolled my eyes as he hung his arm round my shoulder. I must remember to write on my forehead not to give Dylan the benefit of a doubt. In fact there are a lot of things I could write on my forehead, 'love sucks' would probably keep the boys away. Actually I think my knees do that job. "I think I am better at flirting than you are." Dylan's voice made me jump a little and a strip of hair was released from the hair bobble that I had quickly used to drag up my hair. I pulled it behind my ear and said, "Seriously?". He grinned and replied, "Fine, to the next young woman that comes along I will unleash the Dylanator, while you can unleash the......Taylornator! On the next boy. And you four..." pointing at each, "can judge the best." We all smiled like we had slept with hangers in our mouths. I pressed my forehead against Dylan's.
"Bring it on."
We all sat on the bench and waited for our victims to come along. After a few minutes of talking about how Karen was too quiet and how she is good-looking but nobody knows who she is because she no one knows her personality- we all were too engrossed in the conversation to even notice if anyone went by. I thought she had improved lately though- maybe that's only because I knew her story. Though I wasn't the first to know, I guess I just spend more time with Charlie than I should. Bleach blonde emerged from another street. Her bazoomers bounced a hell of a lot. Dylan's jaw nearly reached the floor. Easy. It wouldn't be hard to win this now- he would fall at her feet and just as typical slag would, she will either drop her number or step over him or then walk away. He won't get the chance to flirt at all!
Damn. After walking 10 metres her knockers were falling out of her top. I mean I have heard of push up bras but blimey she really took the biscuit. In fact she took the whole tin and decided to shove them in her bra...
"Holy shit..."
I turned to see all four of the 'judges'. Charlie was literally drooling, Anorexic Jake (who is not anorexic at all) was wide-eyed and blinking very slowly and both Karen and Josie were staring just as gob-smacked. Just as Booby-girl approached Dylan launched himself into her. We all gasped. Then laughed hysterically.
"Oh my god. It's really you isn't it? You are Katie Price!"
We were clutching our stomachs at this point and my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.
"No. Ugh. Get...Off me!"
I smacked my head on the table laughing so hard there was no longer and noise coming out of my mouth. I was gasping for air and my throat was so dry but I couldn't stop. Josie was crying sitting on the floor where she had got up to help but then got weak at the knees when she saw how funny it was.
"I'm so... sorry, you are gorgeous... I mean, Katie Price is gorgeous, wait that came out wrong, urm-" But she was up and walking away. Dylan scrambled up to his feet and along with Charlie and Jake; he watched her leave making comments on the backside. Ollie appeared from the doorway and set the glasses on the table and went to watch the commotion.
