Personal Sunrise

Storm Clouds

Taemin’s POV

                I glanced down at my shoes to hide how badly I was blushing. The red canvas was covered in patches of flour, and I tapped my foot against the floor in an effort to clean it off.

                What the hell were you thinking, Taemin? You can’t just kiss Minho in front of everyone. You can’t kiss Minho EVER. Just because you love him, doesn’t mean he loves you back. He isn’t gay. He doesn’t think of you that way.

                The small things were okay. I could hold his hand. I could hug him and tell him that I never wanted him to leave. I could rest my head on his shoulder. But anything more than that was forbidden. The small things could just be passed off as innocent skinship: the sweet, innocent maknae looking for affection. I couldn’t let anyone see how deep my affection really ran.

                I glanced at Minho from the corner of my eye and sighed inwardly. His face was bright red, and he was obviously extremely embarrassed.

                Aish~ Taemin, you’ve really screwed up this time.

                I turned away and mechanically added more flour to the dough. I stirred it furiously and tried to forget about what I had done. Bits of sticky dough flew from the bowl and streaked across the countertop. My stirring slowed as Minho’s hand came to rest on top of mine.

                “Slow down, Taemin-ah. You’re making the mess worse.”

                I closed my eyes. He had absolutely no idea how true that statement really was. The mess that Minho had completely made of my heart… Yes, I had just made it so much worse.

                “Sorry…,” I muttered, brushing my hair out of my eyes. I’m sorry about what I just did. I swear it won’t happen again.

                Minho’s fingers tightened around mine. “Taemin-ah, are you all right?”

                I nodded. “Ne, hyung. I’m fine. I just want to…finish this.”

                He hesitated for an instant before pulling his hand away. “Okay…”

                “Yah, are you two done?” Key called. “Save all that stuff for later, okay? It’s not appropriate for my innocent eyes.” He covered his eyes dramatically and pulled a face. Jonghyun scoffed derisively and looked away.

                I studied Jonghyun carefully. He was sitting with his body angled slightly away from Key, and he seemed to be avoiding his gaze at all costs. I felt the sting of disappointment creep into my chest. Had my Christmas idea failed? They didn’t seem closer at all; if anything, they were more distant than they had been. What had gone wrong?

                I pondered over this as I finished the dough and placed the last batch of cookies in the oven. I was sure Key hadn’t left Jonghyun alone… So… Did something happen between them? Did they get in an argument? Or did they get...a little too close? Either way, it needed to be fixed. I had to figure out what had happened.

                “So…,” I drawled, leaning on the counter and running my hands through a small pile of discarded flour. “I feel really bad that I had to leave your Christmas party, Jonghyun hyung. Minho hyung feels terrible, too. It can’t have been much fun with only you and Key hyung…”

                Jonghyun laughed lightly and kept his eyes fixed on his jar of frosting. “Taemin-ah, that was almost a month ago. It’s okay, I promise.”