i thought keeping my feelings to myself was the safest and most logical thing to do.
i thought if i bottled it up, it would eventually fade away.
i thought it didn't really matter.
i thought it was a harmless, temporary crush.
i thought it was just a phase.
i thought i was gonna be okay.
i guess not.
the moment i coughed up my first single white rose petal, i knew something was wrong.
the internet told me it was "花吐き病" which was the hanahaki disease.
supposedly, it caused the victim to cough up flower petals until it would fill up their lungs and suffocate that person to death.
the worst part: it's the result of one-sided love and has no known cures other than being truly loved back.
not only that, but it's supposed to be a fictional disease, so why is it happening to me?
i really hope i'm not crazy. i decided not to tell anyone because i might just be sent away to a mental hospital.
i'm not excited to know in the back of my mind that my family might find me dead in my room, surrounded with rose petals, because i know he's never gonna like me back.
psh, he has a girlfriend already.
on the bright side, the petals that cause me pain are quite beautiful.
they're velvety, delicate, perfect, and a pure white. it's a shame that they'll be end of me.
at least i have learned that having a crush on someone since the sixth grade could be deadly.
aha, the more you know.
it might sound weird, but i like to keep the petals in a small jar in my room. it's better than just throwing them away.
maybe there's an alternative cure which includes the petals that i don't know about, you never know.
they do make my room smell really nice, but sometimes it just gives me a headache.
i have vivid dreams of drowning in roses, being thrown into a thorny rose bush, and millions more.
my bags are designer, my right is gucci and the left is chanel ;-)
i bet you'd think i lose friends because of this.
however, you're wrooooong. i think i should get an oscar award for my beautiful acting.
my excuse for all the coughing is that i have a chronic sore throat- very very believable, yes i know ohoho.
i think this petal coughing business started a two months ago and it has been gradually getting worse.
2-4 petals a day is now 6-8 a day.
my personal best is 11, not gonna brag.
i've also been seeing tiny red spots on a petal every now and then.
guess what that is?
ding ding! i don't know if you got it correct or not, but it's blood.
i have gone though so many packs of tissues, i lost count. plus the bathroom trips have been so frequent, there might a rumor in school about me having chronic explosive diarrhea.
that shows i'm pretty "attractive" and charming right?
but not enough for mingyu to notice me.
