Dein Hand, in Meine

Chapter 18

Lies

The male's auburn hair covered his stern amber eyes.

"Ludwig."

He replied firmly. Not a hint of emotion in his voice.

My eyes watered at the new tone his voice had taken, it was a tone I never thought I would ever have to hear from the lighthearted Italian. Never. But this? This and the betrayal? It was all just too much.

"Why?"

I stared intently Feliciano, who stood like a statue in front of me. His eyes were void still, and he still held that awfully cold position.

I clenched my fists. A resurgence of fury was born. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as my emotions swarmed around and clouded my brain. I felt like I could have disgorged right there. I furrowed my brow, gritting my teeth and forced my fists upwards, hopefully out of their chains, only to discover that they had not broke, expectantly. Though, my sudden burst of anger was enough to shake Feliciano who took a step back.

"The least you could do is answer me."

I spat, my eyes falling back upon him. There I saw a shift in his expression. He looked slightly conflicted.

Was I a fool this whole time? Had I really fallen into this trap?

I thought to myself, trying to make sense of why I would be needed anyway. Feliciano knew that I wasn't some heartless, impassive machine.

Maybe he never really trusted me, even from the start. I am the enemy.

"I've been working with the allies for awhile; specifically the English."

Came a low response from the male who still remained in front of me, his expression saddened. I nodded, remembering when I first met Feliciano in London when I had nearly "crushed" him with my motorcycle.

"That was no accident."

I quietly interrupted, realizing that he was meant to run into me in the first place. It was all part of the plan from the beginning.

"Yes, my intentions were always that. Finding you and bringing information to the British Intelligence. Though, I never expected to...it just..."

"What? Just "happened?" You just "happened" to fall in love with me, to lead me on and pretend to care about me? I actually gave a damn about you! I was invested in you like no one ever before. You were the one reason I still pressed on...with this..."

I lowered my head, glancing at the ground. I did not know what to say. My heart was absolutely shattered. My trust was blown to pieces. I had nothing to sweep the shards with because at this point I did not want to even bother. I had nothing left.

"So you think I have valuable information? You think I am just like the rest of them, just another drone with a Herz aus Stein? (Heart of stone) You do not believe I can feel compassion nor love...you think I am just another man who would die for a blind cause, do you not?"

I watched as tears welled in Feliciano's eyes, falling from the lids they pooled in and slowly covering his cheeks.

"Stop..."

He whimpered, as more tears fell from his eyes.

"Ask me your questions. What does Commander Kirkland want to know? He already knows that I am queer, but what does that make you?"

"Shut up!"

I felt a sting on my forearm as Feliciano stepped back, a riding crop in hand that I assumed he had been hiding behind his back.

Shocked, I let out a slight growl, my skin reddened by the hit, but not exactly broken.

"Where is your commander?"

Feliciano's eyes still bled with tears, but he was fighting it. I knew he was desperate to just get this over with, to avoid speaking of what we had.

"Tell me or I will be forced to..."

I raised an eyebrow. I knew he could not go through with this somewhere in my heart. Even if I felt awfully betrayed, and my heart swelled in my chest as if it would burst at any given moment; I knew this was not Feliciano.

"I haven't seen you in years, yet you are able to hurt me with both your lies and the "weapon" you brandish. The Brit wants you to torment me until I give you the answers he wants to hear, but I know you want to torment me until I can no longer see you the same because you know you screwed this up. You do not want to love me yet you do. Just tell me the truth already."

Stepping towards me, Feliciano kneeled. He buried his face into my knees, hugging my legs and letting out soft cries. Weakly he managed to whisper,

"I didn't mean to Ludwig. Please, I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to help this all to end. This war has tore me and Fratello to pieces. Nothing is the same anymore. I can't go anywhere without feeling my life is in danger...I can't grasp the hatred that surrounds me anymore. There is no ignoring it. You were the only bit of love I could scrape out of all this, the only person left that treated me normally, like this war never existed. You were the only piece of what defines us as "human" that seemed to be left. I do love you, Ludwig...I know it may be too late but I do. I know you are capable of feeling love too. I just wish it wasn't like this..."

"Mr. Vargas, what the bloody hell are you doing in there?!"

Shouted Arthur, whose voice and pounds on the door across the room echoed within. Feliciano turned his head, but I immediately stopped him, placing my thumb and forefinger underneath his delicate chin.

"Listen Feliciano. I want you to tell Commander Kirkland what you really know. Bring him this journal and tell him the truth."

I reached into the breast pocket of my field jacket and handed Feliciano the journal he had given me the day I had departed Naples.

"Maybe he might listen to you. But I know he will most likely not hear me out. Remember when I said I would protect you and your brother back in Florence? I meant that. If you can just get Arthur to speak to me and actually listen to what I have to say...you too, then you will know why I should not be punished. Can you do that for me?"

Feliciano, still hugging my knees, awkwardly stood up. His cheeks flushed.

Before he went to answer the boisterous knocks of the obviously furious and confused Commander, Feliciano turned to me.

"I apologize for hitting you by the way."

He said, pointing to the mark that now remained on my forearm.

"It's alright, I understand. But one day I will get you back. I can promise you that."

Feliciano smiled playfully and turned away as I chuckled to myself, part of me knowing that a lot could go wrong with unstable substance that lay beyond the door.

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