Late Night Thoughts [A Diary]

Night I - Religion

Ready ... and ... open.

In a world of different opinions and different beliefs, everything you do is wrong to some people or perfectly right to others. You start to wonder after a while, who's right? There are many different established religions; all with different gods, different morals, and different ways of expressing their religion to others. If there are so many religions and they all think their right, who really is right?

I had a very deep conversation with a guy one time about this very subject after I sucked his dick in the front seat of my car. He told me he felt like what we just did wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong. I told him that's because of shit like religion. Now, don't get me wrong, I identify myself as a Christian. I believe in God and Jesus so that's who I talk to at night when I'm having troubles, but would "wrong" or "right" actions exist if we ever discovered religion in the first place?

Let's take it back a little. The Bible clearly states that everyone is equal and in God's eyes we're all the same. That also goes for our sins as well. If Nancy murdered her husband, she would be just as equal in God's eyes as Lauren who's only told some lies here and there in her life. But if sins are so wrong, why can we still do them? Hypothetically God is the one who created us all. If we weren't meant to sin and do things "wrong", he wouldn't have made us capable of doing so. If God did not want us to do "wrong", then we wouldn't. If this God is real, then he would have the power of doing so. While I definitely do not encourage you to murder, I do encourage you to think about yourself carefully the next time you're disappointed in yourself for sinning. Yes you had sex before marriage, yes you took God's name in vain, yes you are gay, yes you lie to your parents all the time, but if those kinds of sins are so bad to do according to "real" Christians, then why are we programmed to be able to do so?

Two things -
One: Either this means God doesn't actually exist in the first place because if he wanted you to not do these things, he would have to power to program you not to do so or ...

Two: This God of ours isn't what hard core "Christians" makes him out to be. Maybe because the Bible is so misinterpreted from what his thoughts really are. Maybe because it's a MANMADE book not written by God himself.

He's forgiving.

If you so-called Christians really want to follow the Bible, you wouldn't pick and choose who God decides to hate. This means that God does not hate gays, he does not think transgender people deserve to die, and he doesn't believe any "race" is better than the other.

We are all one race and that's the human race.

....

A slight change in subject; how do we really know God exists?

We've been told our entire lives, no matter what religion you are, to believe in this higher power that is for sure up there. I personally do not know much at all about other religions, but some things in the Christian bible are quite hard to believe.

First off, Noah's Ark. The story basically tells how Noah took two animals from every species and put them all on his boat. We know how big that boat is, especially now since there has been a very accurate life scale model built, so it is very hard to believe that anyone, I don't care who you are, could literally get two animals of every individual species on that tiny ass boat. I do realize that boat is actually fucking huge, but compared to how many species of animals, reptiles, insects, etc. there are I highly doubt you could possibly get all that shit to happen. Not to mention the whole line of animals like it's an attendance line in elementary school. You wouldn't even be able to get two dogs to line up in a line and walk through an ark onto a boat, let alone millions of animals.

Second, there is literally zero proof that God actually exists. I do not need to develop on that fact because it's true.

Lastly, I mentioned it earlier, there are thousands of established religions. If everyone thinks their right, then someone has to be wrong. Literally out of the thousands of religions, only one is possibly right. There could also be that possibility that we're all wrong. What makes you think your religion is the right one out the the thousands? Because mommy and daddy told you so? I'm sorry, but mommy and daddy's words aren't enough to cut it for me.

I know what you're thinking, "Roy, if you believe all of these things, how could you possibly identify as a Christian?"

Because I have faith.

I believe that God exists as to why I pray to him often, but I'm not going to be an asshole about my religion. I'm not going to tell everyone else they're wrong and I'm right because I don't know that for sure. I'm not going to ignore the obvious facts stated above. There may be no proof that God actually exists, but I choose to believe that he does because of having faith. I want to believe there's a wonderful life to live in Heaven after I die.

...

Now there's one more subject I want to touch on before I end tonight's opening.

By now you could probably tell that my sexuality is not what every Christian's is. I identify myself as homosexual and it is no one's business but my own, but people seem so confused as to how I could feel homosexual feelings and still be Christian despite what the Bible says about homosexuality. Well, let me tell you why and let me shut up all of those clueless "Christians" who will fight to the end to abolish gays because God hates them.

When I first discovered my sexuality in the fourth grade, I was ashamed of it because of my religion and because of what other kids thought about it. All my life I have believed in God, though I did have some rough patches my sophomore and junior year of high school, so I would literally pray the gay away. I prayed to God constantly crying telling him to fix me, to make me better. I told him to make me straight, "Please Lord I do not want to feel this way anymore. Please change me, I just want to be normal." we're my exact words. Every. Fucking. Night. Nothing changed.

Do you want to know why?

Because I was praying for him to fix me, when I wasn't even broken.

I'm not broken and neither are you.

Closed.

- Roy