He stopped running once he passed the corner and could no longer be seen from the nurse's office down that hall. Walking to my dorm, I had not fully retained the information until I sat on Finny's bunk.
Finny... loved me? But how could this be? Sure we had been great friends but had he truly developed these sudden feeling for me? Maybe it wasn't sudden. That thought came to mind. How long had he felt this way? I had only just discovered what my feeling meant. Perhaps he knew all along what was in his heart. Had I truly been so blind as to not see it? He... loved me. My brain couldn't begin to handle what he had said. My brain also couldn't handle how close our faces, our lips were. Would we really have...?
I fell asleep that evening on Finny's bunk, unaware that I was snuggling with his pillow. When I woke up that morning, something was wrong. Everything looked the same but something was wrong.
I visited Finny that morning. I knocked on the door this time, instead of coming uninvited. I was greeted by the doctor. Something in his face told me something bad had happened.
"Gene? Isn't it?" He finally said to me.
"Yes, I've come to see Finny. Is he alright?"
The doctor frowned. "Gene, Finny, he- I'm sorry to say this but Finny didn't make it. He died late last night. After you came to visit. He talked a lot about you. He was desperate to get you in here but I couldn't allow it. If I knew that would be his last and final wish... I would have gotten you. I'm sorry you weren't here when he needed you most."
The doctor had acted like this was my fault, that Finny's death was my doing.
Without saying another word, I walked away, my head hung low and the tears beginning to form.
Later that day I sat on the end of a building, thinking about death. I sat there staring as people passed by without acknowledgment.
Finny had become my life. He kept me going, he kept me sane. Before him I had disapproved of the life I lived. I wanted to restart. But I couldn't do that. My life was nothingness so I had to get rid of it. That's when Finny came into my life and life had a new meaning. He was the centre of my universe. He was the reason I was still living. Now that he was gone... I honestly didn't see the point. My time had come and it was time to accept that. I got up.
I stood at the edge of the building thinking of Finny. He was so pure and strong. His smile had burned itself in my head and I began to wear it. He was the thing that kept me going. That smile. Those eyes. I wanted to join them.
I thought of meeting Finny on the other side. As the wind pulled me to the end, I found peace knowing that I would see Finny's face again. I sighed.
Finny, I thought. I'm coming for you. And I jumped.
