Now I know we just got started with my story, and how my life has turned out. But I'm gonna fast forward to this year, which of course is 2016.
I've dropped out of school, I have only a handful of friends and I'm honestly lost with my life.
Ever since I met my boyfriend Sam, and I'll call him this cause it's honestly his real name and I can't think of a shorter replica. Yeah anyways, since I met sam things haven't been all too bad.
Why did I get thrown out of my own home? I'm gonna tell you my side to the story.
One lovely fucking afternoon, I was on my way to his house after school, somehow or another I was pick-pocketed by some scum who stole one of the most valuable things I've ever almost owned. My iphone 6. Not too big of a deal right? It's just a phone, right? WRONGGGG
You see, that phone wasn't mine, well sorta. I was still paying it off, more so my mom was, she had been since I was 16. It was a birthday gift from her to me. Wasn't easy to maintain the bill with all the financial set backs we have as a less than average family.
So when I lost the phone my mom lost her shit.
Mind you, my mom isn't your average crazy bitch mom. Nope. She has been diagnosed with bipolar.
She's basically her, but sometimes she isn't. Ya feel? Nope? Yeah I thought so.
It's basically like, sometimes if she's triggered her mind simply snaps, changing her into this completely different person. A person who I hate, a person who will fuck up everything the regular her has worked her ass off to achieve.
My mom has been like this my entire life as far as I can recall. Since my dad was still alive, she'd always snap every now and then and lose her job, or worse. Public embarrass us whilst causing huge financial set backs for our entire family's well being.
I can't blame the lady of course, I mean she didn't choose to inherit some life fucking mental illness that can basically put her entire family in crisis.
When my dad was around it was always easier to fix her. Fix the problem and bring her back to her normal self. I'm not saying it was always the nicest method, but it did work. You see, my dad was a very violent person, despite being the man I looked up to as my hero, he wasn't perfect and he could only handle so much crazy from my mom. Growing up, there were moments in my life whee I felt so scared of what he was doing to my mom. Being so young I didn't understand much, all I remember is my dad bashing my mom's face cause she was acting weird. Of course I did my best to try shutting my mom up so my dad wouldn't hit her, but I was a kid so let's face it, I can't exactly do much when there's a crazy lady practically asking to be hit by a raged husband only trying to control the situation with what he thought was the only way.
It did work tho, my dad was tough and eventually my mom would always snap out of her crazy phase and go back to normal.
After he died tho, it became more hard on me, being the only child I'm basically given the duty of taking care of an entire household and a mentally unstable adult. Not too easy especially when you're left to do this in like 8th grade.
Back to the main point, after my phone got stolen my mom lost her shit, basically made me feel so shitty for even drinking water in the house, she threatened to put me in an orphanage. She yelled at me for hours on end about how fucking careless I was, and how I was a waste of her money. She said things that a mother should never say to her daughter, especially when it came to something I had no control over. She made me feel unwanted.
So, given how much she told me to fuck off, one day I just...left.
Yup, packed my fucking bags and bolted out of there. It didn't feel like home anymore, just a place where I was always going to be a burden.
I moved in with my boyfriends family cause it was all I had.
Luckily his mom Marge was super nice and caring. When I told her about all that had happened she took me in as her own kid.
I finally felt like someone actually cared about me again.
My mom however kept at it. She showed up at my high school, told everyone that I had run away from home and completely changed the story to suit her self. She made me sound like a rebellious little brat who simply didn't appreciate her at all.
I wanted to go back to school, trust me I did every single day that went by got so hard for me.
I was just too scared. Why? Cause what would my friends have thought of me by now? My mom made me sound so horrible and knowing how much mistakes I had already made, I was positive they wouldn't believe me even if they tried.
So I stayed away, away from all the people at school who probably would have helped me. I distanced myself. I figured that maybe if they did care enough they'd reach out to me to hear my side of the story.
I waited and waited, but time just flew by and I never heard a word. Two of them did check in on me, but only for a brief moment. It was awkward and I could tell I wasn't wanted anymore.
I didn't wanna go back to them and be rejected again. I didn't wanna have to walk amongst them only just to feel like I'm the odd one out again.
I dealt with it once but twice? I couldn't face it. I was a coward and I simply avoided the situation all together.
Then came the depression.
As weeks went by and I knew what I had decided couldn't be changed, I began to really regret everything I had done. Every choice, every word I'd ever said that had hurt my friends. God did I regret all of it. I'll admit heart break and being cheated on hurts, but the pain of knowing you had just lost all your best friends that you spent high school with? Unbearable I tell you.
I became so sad. Depressed and honestly just disappointed in myself.
I stopped wanting to eat, to drink, to bathe or do anything at all with my life. I was empty and hurt. I knew at that point, I had lost everything I ever cherished.
Sure, I probably do deserve to be alone for being such a shitty person. But I'm human after all, and no matter how much I messed up, I didn't know I was hurting people so badly. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing.
None of those happy times with my school friends ever did come back.
My best friend Kel migrated overseas, and she hates me now, she's made that very clear to me.
The old friends I had never talk to me, I'm sure they don't miss me much either. All of them are still together, all of them except me.
Zachariah kept in touch, she was the only one who heard me out and decided to give me a second chance.
She's always understood me better than the rest. I'm glad her and I are still friends. I do hope someday, I'll be able to message my old buds and tell them how sorry I am, but for now I can only keep living my life.
*****
Third chapter done!
I'm gonna be abit slow with updates as I recently just lost a good friend to suicide.
RIP Zee, miss you alot man.
Anyways, do excuse all mistakes in the book as I am free hand typing this and honestly too tired to check up on my mistakes.
Hope you all understand.
-Hari
