The Fire That Burns Within

Forgive, Forget and Move Along

The next weeks Noel cared for me the best he could, he tried to make it up to me but the truth is he didn't need to. I could see that his intentions were good and that he'd never meant to hurt me. It still hurt but I knew that he was the only one I had that wanted me alive and well. I tried my best to block my feelings and move on.

One day he took me outside and we just walked. "Roselyn, can I tell you something" he said softly, I looked into his eyes and nodded. "The day it happened..." he hesitated "they wanted me to kill you, they wanted to get rid of you" I was getting tired and he let me sit down and rest.

"You're like my sister, I love you like that too" I put my hand on his big one to let him know it was okay. "It was the only way they'd let you live" he grabbed my hand. "Are you tired?" he asked looking at me with a face full of worries

"I'm okay" I lied. I was dead tired but just being outside made me feel so alive and free.

"Yeah I can see that" he joked as he helped me up. I looked in his face and wondered if I was free to ask a favor from him. He noticed my look of course "what is it, do I have something on my face?" he said. "No, no it's just..." I paused and looked at the ground. "You've never hesitated to say anything before, what's up?" He gently pulled my chin up so he could see my face. A tear escaped and I could hold it in anymore "It's just that I'm so worried about Joe. I'm the only one he has and I don't know if he's even alive" as soon as I said it out loud the thought became real and I just couldn't handle that, I started shaking and tears found their way down my cheeks. "I'm sure he's okay..." Noel tried but he knew that it was only guess work. "Come let's get you back" he took my hand and I followed.

When he opened up the door to 'my room' I sat down in the corner and he covered me with a warm blanket. "I'll see what I can do" he said and he disappeared through the door, I heard the alarm beeping behind him and the front door open and close, he was gone. My thoughts swarmed through my head and memories drifted by. I worried about Joe and how his health would be. Would he even know that I was gone? Maybe he just felt confused and alone just like I'd felt the first time we met.

The first time i'd seen Joe he walked into my parents living room. Several police officers had already tried to pry me away from my mothers body but I had fought back scratching them, screaming and crying while I kept my moms arm around me. They'd given up and called in help.

Joe had walked up to me and had sat down next to me, his suit got covered in blood but he didn't care.

"Hey kid" he said while giving me a kind smile "you up for a trip to the McDonalds?"

My 7 year old mind was seriously conflicted and he saw that "what will happen to mommy" I'd asked him.

"Well you see these nice people here" he pointed to a female and male in white suits, the woman waved at me and smiled kindly "they will take very good care of your mommy and if you want to you can check on her later with me." This was enough assurance and I kissed my mom on the cheek just like always and told her that I would see her soon. Joe brought me to a hospital first to make sure I was completely safe, as I was prodded, poked, cleaned and brushed he held my hand. When they where done he'd taken me to the McDonalds and after speaking to the personal I'd gotten a special happy meal with all the toys of that month. He sat at the little table with me while eating a hamburger and making all kinds of jokes to make sure I was happy and not thinking about that past night. I'd slept at the FBI headquarter in Joe's own office, Joe had made a bed on the couch that stood there and I fell asleep while he typed reports and made all kinds of calls. To this day the sound of typing was still my favourite sound in the world.

With these memories I fell asleep. I twisted and turned as nightmares and memories taunted my dreams. I heard someone call out but I didn't realise it was me. "Joe, is that you?" I said groggily, the room was still blurry as my vision adjusted to the light. "No this is Noel, it's okay Roselyn, it's okay" he said as he stroked my hair. Apparently he had come down in a hurry because the door stood wide open and daylight streamed in.

He looked at me and I could see a mix of emotions in his face. It even looked like he was ashamed, he didn't look in my eyes and his whole body language was off. "What's wrong?" I asked while trying to sit up. He gently helped me and I leaned against the wall. "It's nothing..." he said, he still evaded my eyes. "Please Noel, talk to me" my voice broke and despair filled me. "It's nothing really" he tried to be comforting but it only made me feel worse. "Do you want some food?" he tried to change the topic. "Yeah sure" I was hungry so I just let it go. He left and came back with a bowl of hot oatmeal, it was still steaming and the smell was so good, I quickly gulped it down enjoying every bite. I was disappointed when the whole bowl was empty. Something felt wrong and I was just in time to reach the toilet.

Noel rushed to me and held my hair and stroked my back as the food forced it's way out. When I was done I sat down, I was shaking and I was soaked with sweat. Noel grabbed a cold wet towel and dabbed my face. "I don't understand..." I said. "There's nothing wrong, Ramos hasn't tortured me in a long time and I've been feeling okay" I tried to make things match up in my head. Noel said nothing as he dabbed the towel. I looked him in the eyes "can you answer me one thing" I needed to know this "how long have I been here?" he sensed the urgency and ran upstairs to check something. He came back with a calendar and started calculating. "Okay" he finally said "you've been here for 7 weeks now."

My heart sank "no no no no no..." he looked at me as I was moving back and forth. "What wrong, Roselyn talk to me!" worry filled his face. "It can't be, it it it just can't" I just murmured, my head was going in circles and fear surrounded me. He grabbed my shoulder "Roselyn look at me and tell me what's wrong" he urged.

"I...I...I. Think i might be pregnant" I forced the words out Noel let go of my shoulders and just looked at me in total shock. "Yeah that face you're making that's pretty much how I feel right about now" I said. He forced a smile but it quickly faded into a thin line. "We should hide it" he said with determination. "But Ramos, if he finds out..." I knew I was in bigger trouble than I've been so far.

My hands instinctively found my stomach and the fire that had been just a tiny flame ignited in a roaring fire and I knew that I would fight. No one was going to touch this baby! My thinking became clear and I knew what we had to do "first things first, we need to know for sure, could you get me a test" I told him and he already started leaving when he stopped abruptly and turned around "Rose I won't let them hurt you" and with that he left the room.

I sat back against the wall, maybe we didn't love each other as in romance love but we did care for each other and I was happy to know that someone was on my side. I lay back down and I felt how tired all this commotion had made me. Sleep took over and I drifted into a dreamless night.