I stared at the patient in front of me. His files told me that he was older then me, but only by 6 years. Even so, he was smaller then me, but even with his shortness, I was sure he didn't look as young as my 30 year old self. He stared at me with dark, cold brown eyes that you knew had seen too much. Some of which unimaginable to most. This was Tooru Niimura, only he insisted that 'this Tooru person' no longer existed to walk this selfish earth. He said he was 'Kyo' now. And Kyo he would forever stay. I'm still not totally sure where this 'Kyo' person came from. I'm not even sure why Niimaru-san decided to create this character. I'm pretty sure Kyo is a shield from something, having an alter-ego to hide behind and protect ones self from emotional damage. I don't know what the damage is that he's afraid of. I know he had a rough childhood, but the ill health that could of caused wouldn't be anything as twisted and shallow as this character. His white asylum uniform shirt was discarded on the ground, next to my work shirt and Doctors jacket. There was me, Takanori Matsumoto, scrambling about on my hands and knees, redressing myself, feeling ashamed yet completely satisfied with what I had just been apart of. It happened again. It always happened. Every time I was sent to talk, understand and heel this person, this happened. One second, we're just talking. He tells me his thoughts. His amazing, intelligent, intriguing, abnormal mind.
'I feel like...' he had begun today when I asked him how he was 'like there's a blue fish... In my head... And it's dead' I didn't know what he meant, but I never do, no one does. No one ever really does with Kyo. I honestly doubt that anyone ever will and its clear that he doesn't actually want to be understood. Kyo wants to be a mystery, but I'm sure Tooru wants to be noticed. But, as a psychiatrist I should know things like this. Kyo doesn't want to be known. I guess I'm the person who understands him the most. In a way no one else does. Especially not in my way...
A sexual.
A romantic
A deep way.
It wasn't meant to happen. I don't remember how it even started this time. He just touched me... Stroking my cheek and then I was in his arms once again as he gently pushed me down on the bed. He was in control, the nutcase had far too much experience in this. Soon he was on top of me, pounding into me hard, cussing under his breath, his eyes closed with concentration. I ran my hands down his chest, like I always did and I honestly plead to god that I always will. I felt the raised bumps and jaggered lines on my finger tips. The dreaded scars seemed so different when they were above me and glistening with sweat. When I first saw them I thought they were a desperate cry for help. Now I understand him. Now I was looking at them from a different angle. Metaphorically and exactly. They weren't screams of misery permanently painting his flesh, no! They were his way of expression. I once would of thought he was crazy, just like everyone else did. Now I think every one else is crazy, and only him and I are sane. He isn't insane like they say. He's deep and mysterious but not crazy. I thought he was a sex addict, seducing me to rid himself of the pulsing urge that throbbed in his body. No. He fell for me. He said he saw something he liked. He told me he wanted to keep me to himself and possess me, but at the same time he wanted to take every worry and care off my shoulders and let me be a free bird. He made my heart beat in a way it never had. I always got bored quickly in relationships, but not this one.
Not kyo.
Never kyo... Is this even a relationship?
I fixed his broken heart and gave it a new rhythm. Every kiss I pressed on his lips was a stitch in the pumping cracked and chipped muscle. I cared. I believed he could heal. One day I'll get him out that uniform for the mental, and not in a sexual manner- I've done that already. I'll take him home. I'll hunt down the slut and bastard that caused his heart to shatter, for him to loose all belief in humanity, and will give Kyo his revenge.
I won't kill them. I'll hurt them like they hurt him.
Maybe I'm going to far. I just need him to forget. I need him to forget about the girl that tore his heart apart. And replace her memory and any other trace in his head and body, with me
And me alone.
