chronometer

rebreathe

A/N: I'M FINALLY SETTLED IN COLLEGE!!!! I MISSED Y'ALL SO MUCH! I can't promise updates will be fast like they used to be but I'm glad to be back. Hopefully I'll get used to my college/study schedule quickly and have a nice pattern!

Also-- here's a nice twist! This chapter is written from Mitch's perspective! I thought you'd like a little change up! I've decided that every so often I'll write a chapter from his eyes. As always all of your comments and likes are appreciated. Enjoy! >:-))))))))))))))))))))

Scott looks at me with a blank stare, as if the significance of my statement is something is he unable to understand. I do not blame him, it is a rare circumstance that I allow anyone past the wall guarding my heart-- permitting that I ever have before now. I worry my lip between my teeth and my sudden self-consciousness snaps him out of his trance. The endless seas of his blue irises gaze up to me and I fight myself from becoming astray within them.

Realization finally washes over him and reaches towards me with a shaking palm, laying his hand over my healthy wrist. His fingers curl around it, then begin to pull. This is not without hesitation. He is testing the water, like a kitten approaching an adult canine for the first time. He is afraid I will shrink away from him. I allow my uncertainty crumble before me. It is only a fleeting moment before I am embraced in two gentle arms, and my lungs exhale air I didn't realize I was holding. He holds me tight against him, words needn't be spoken. I time my breaths with the steady thump I hear in the chambers of his chest. I feel safe, I feel brave, I feel free.

I am ambivalent about feeling these things. I have ever only felt some form of relative solace around my mother, and even that was full of unreliability. I warned Scott of my feelings towards emotion, my distaste, yet he has made himself the very exception of anything and everything. I am concerned that he is not ready to experience all that I am. I am certainly not sure if he is, I barely feel comfortable coming to the conclusion that I have let my guard down to someone I have known for less than two weeks. He seems to struggle with the fact that I cannot share all that my heart hides. As much as I wish to share with him, the traumas that haunt my mind do not allow me to. I want to help him accept that. Deep down, I want to believe he is satisfied with more than just care-giving side of me. I trust I have reason to.

As stated, Scott is the exception to all of my rules and I expect he will continue to be.

I am distracted from my thoughts by a tender hand resting on the curve of my back and I am not sure whether I want to cry, smile, laugh or sleep. At once I am put at an unfamiliar peace I do not recognize. It is foreign, welcome but all the same frightening. I do not want to put my life in jeopardy. I cannot allow myself to become overwhelmed with hope or else I will soon meet a set of unavoidable zeroes putting an end to my existence.

Finally, he speaks. His voice is softer than usual, quieted to a hush that is only audible enough for my ears to catch. "You are worth waiting for, learning everything about and certainly worth saving. Do not ever doubt your self-importance because you are afraid to be human. It is okay to not be okay, and I will be here to help even when things aren't good. We're in this together. I either get all that comes with you or none at all. I may not be perfect at it at first, but I'm willing to try."

My cheeks heat up with a mix between bashfulness and shame, because I know I am not the easiest person to deal with in the world. There will be times in the future, near and far,  where I will turn into an unbearable mess. Where I will panic and where I will become crimson, absolutely untameable with anger. No doubt that the same goes for Scott, I have already seen one side of that. I appreciate that this is more than just a temporary partnership for the benefit of the timezones. This is something far beyond just that, something far beyond just temporary.