In The End

Chapter Two

Sometimes, life throws us a curveball. Hovering over us like a cloud, blocking out the sunlight, clouding our judgment. Unfortunately enough for some people, it comes baring the worst of storms and they loose everything. Included in their losses are things like hope, faith, judgment even. Well, that's not mentioning the physical loss other's endure, possibly a limb or two. Sometimes even their life.

As humans we often overreact. Make a big deal out of something that is practically irrelevant in the overall scheme of life. At times, even middle age men seem to resemble a young child whose dropped their ice cream. It's as if their entire world has stopped and all they can seem to do is cry until the problem has virtually disappeared.

In this moment, that's how I felt. Sitting here on the toilet in the middle of our empty apartment. I wanted nothing more than to cry. So I did. I cried and cried, willing the problem to just dissolve. It didn't. It was still there, in my shaking hands. I felt as though my entire world would come tumbling down any minute. I felt as though life has just hit me in the face with it's biggest curveball yet. Like the worst of storms had just struck me with it's lightning. Yet, I still had all of my body parts intact and I was indeed still alive. Although that's not how I felt.

Many questions came to mind, swirling like tornadoes, destroying my judgment. I had to get out of here. I had to. Getting up, I wiped my swollen eyes with the sleeves of my sweater and grabbed the item that had changed my life only moments ago. My legs felt weak as I took my first few steps out of the bathroom. Turning down the hall I quickened my pace. I have to go. I have to leave.

Bursting thru the door of our bedroom, I made my way to the bed. Crouching down I pulled out my red duffle bag and placed it on the bed. I began to fill the bag with random things. Shirts, pants, panties, bras, etc... Opening the bottom drawer of the dresser I froze. It was his things. I stared at the piles of t-shirts and boxers before I shook my head. No, I can't be weak now. I can't ruin his life, his career. He wouldn't want this anyway. He never did.

Shuffling thru the piles, I finally found what I was looking for. Getting up I stuffed the worn out Rolling Stones t-shirt into my bag before zipping it shut. Walking down the hallway, bag slung over my shoulder, I made my way to the front door. Grabbing my keys and slipping on my converse, I turned to the mirror. I didn't see myself, although that's how it's been the past few months. With all the fighting and such. We weren't the same. He wasn't the same.

I could tell it was only a matter of time before he'd leave me. He no longer had that sparkle in his eye when he looked at me, that sparkle that told me he too was inlove.

Just as I was about to turn away a glimmer caught my eye. As if the light in the room had hit something at just the right angle. Turning back I examined the mirror again. My ring. Looking down I grabbed my left hand. Twisting the promise ring a couple of times, I slowly pulled it off and placed it in the key bowl. Stepping away from the mirror I stepped through the front door for the last time and into the cold December night.