The Morning...
Our classmates may think that I'm not listening, with my face looking at fields through the window and having that bored look. But the truth is I'm all ears to whatever this girl is saying; I know this is just like any other times she pretends not to see what really matters and what's there in front of her.
"Ray come on tell me what you think, he's not answering my call. I think he's mad coz I didn't go along to what he wants yesterday. I just think it's too early for us to do that. I think he's gonna break up with me."
As if it's the first time a guy will do this to her, she really is an airhead sometimes. We've been discussing this for every boyfriend she got and lost. It's a good thing that after a while she could actually say NO to them and not just give all and everything to them. If only she could really face the truth that no guy could satisfy her.
"Lay you know where I stand on this topic, I've told you every time this moment on your so called relationship comes that you should stop playing and face the truth", I turn my head to face her, and look her in the eyes."You should stop this wild goose chase we're having, we can't always pretend that I'm fine with whatever you're doin', experimenting on them, looking for the things you've already found in us. I won't always play the fool for you, I might get tired of waiting for your brain to function, and for your eyes to see, and for your ears to hear, what your heart's been feeeling all this time." I told her in a firm whisper.
"Ray stop it, you know we're just friends we can't be something else." she answer in a sad voice.
"Then we should just stop being friends, I can't pretend anymore. I'm tired of waiting, and just listening to this shits you've been doin'." I stand up from my seat and walk out of the room.
I could hear her calling my name but I didn't bother looking back. I feel hurt but until she realise what we should have been, I can't be near her. I've played the fool far too long and far too many times for her to realize what we really are. With every touch of our skin, she should have realize that the warmth between our hands are not that innocent like friends have. That with those electric spark in every hug we share are not for pretend sisters. We should have been able to share more than those perk on the lips when we say goodbyes. The feelings she should have long realize are the feelings she has been looking for in those damn relationships she had. I think if I've played the fool part she played the stupid part. And I'm done with it. It's either she realize it now or she'll never will. This space between us should help her think and use her brain.
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Lunch....
I went to the field and look for Ash, Ashley is our other friend, she's the sport addict so I made a guess that she's running or playing there, now that it's almost lunch. And I'm right; I could see her playing with the girls of the football team. She's not even a member but they allowed her coz she's a gem, but she don't want to be tied up with any sport so she plays in all of them and they give her that special treatment.
I wave at her so she talk to the girls saying byes to them before jogging towards me.
I sit on a nearby bench under a tree. She took a sit beside me then looks at me as I look in front of us.
"Hmmmm, so you finally did it?" she asked.
"Uhumm.." I confirm.
"How does it feel? What did she said? Are you sure about this?" She asks in one breath.
"You ask too many questions, I feel like shit but it didn't really have any difference with what I've felt before. She doesn't have any say on this it's my decision and its final, its either she wants us or she doesn't." I told her as I took a deep breath. "I've waited long enough; I can't pretend that I'm fine with what we are now because this is what she wants us to be. When I know that she feels the same way but she's too afraid to take that step because she's too conscious for what other people say, too scared that if it fails she's gonna loose me. What she didn't know is that other people won't feel what we should be feeling now, that they can't have what we could be having. And that she's hurting me when she denies me, that she's the one who's pushing me away with every guy she choose instead of me." My eyes began to cloud as tears come flowing out of them.
Ash hugs me. "You know I feel something for you Ray, I just didn't make a move coz I know it's a fight I've lost even before It began, but that doesn't mean that my feeling for you had changed. If ever you find yourself ready to take a chance with me. I'm here for you; I don't think I can have these feelings for someone else, maybe I can only give this up when I see you with her, but until then I'll look after you Ray. I'm not saying that you should take this chance now, and I won't allow you to. Only when you're ready." She whispers on my ears.
I move out of the hug and look at her with my teary eyes. "I really wish she's you Ash. I won't be feeling this pain now if my heart had chosen you."
She smiles at me and wipe away my tears and then she looks at me in the eyes. We stare at each other, and it just happens. Our heads move on their own and our lips are sealed with a gentle kiss. She's the first one to move away. I open my eyes, I didn't even realize I've closed them, and look at her, she has those smile on her lips but her eyes shows a different feeling. I know it's not easy for her, I know what she's feeling but I also can't pretend that I have the feelings she wish for me to give her, I also wish I feel it for her rather than to someone whose too blind and too scared, that its stupid.
I touch her cheeks and gave her a smile, "I really wish my heart could really see what my mind wish to have is you. I really wish it was you, but I know it would be unfair to use you, I don't want to hurt you that way. You're too important in my life that I can't lie to you. You deserve better than that. And I know what I could give to you now is not. I can only give you what you deserve if I'm through with what I feel for Lay." I hug her again and weep on her shoulder, my chest hurts like hell. This girl is all I wish to have, but I can't, coz I know it would be unfair to her.
We stayed like that for a while; she waits for my tears and sobs to subside, caressing my back to give me the comfort I need. I know she's hurting too. I don't even know who comforts her when she cries, but she comforts me when I'm the one causing her pain.
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AN. I was really planning to make Lay and Ray as the official couple but I think Ash and Ray may be good too. So anyone what do you think? I haven't started the final part of this short story so I can conclude it the way you see more fit. And this is just the first story; I plan to share my fantasies and crazy thoughts.
