Against My Will

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

         I stayed in Nash’s room all day, trying to give the others time to cool off. Nash left to get us lunch and dinner, but then he came right back. He really was a good friend.

         We watched television for a while and then he hesitantly began to speak.

         “Abby?”

         “Hmmm?” I said, not really paying attention.

         “In the truck, you kept saying we wouldn’t understand and you couldn’t tell us. What were you talking about?”

         I sighed, “Nash, I really can’t tell you. It’s safer this way. Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

         “How is it safer?”

         “It- it just is.”

         “Oookay….” he said. “But why wouldn’t I believe you? I mean, how bad could it possibly be?”

         “It’s not bad, it’s just… different. Has someone ever told you something, and when you heard it, it shocked you so much that you just couldn’t believe it? No matter how many times you were told that it was real, it happened, it just seemed like a dream to you?

         “This would be like ten times worse than that. You’d either really really think you were dreaming or you’d think I was some crazy person. Which I’m not. Most of the time.

         “But I can tell you this: I wish you could know. In the future, if we’re close enough and I’m sure you could handle it, I would tell you.”

         “I’m not going anywhere, Abby. You can tell me. Through my many many years of life,” he said sarcastically, “I’ve learned that everything is easier when you have someone to fall back on. Keeping it inside won’t fix it.”

         “I know…”

         “I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here. I can’t fix it, but I’ll listen to everything you want to tell me. You’re safe now. Peyton can’t hurt you now. I won’t let him,” Nash promised.

         I was overcome with gratitude after hearing this. It meant so much to me that he was willing to not pressure me into talking about something that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about yet. He said he’d wait. I’ve never had that before.

         With Devin, everything had to happen right when she wanted it to. There was no waiting, ever. If I had a secret, like having a crush on a boy or something like that, she made me tell her right away. If I didn’t, she got pissed off.

         Nash was so different. He respected my space and privacy, but he wanted to be there for me whenever I was willing to let him be. He was a giver. Devin was a taker. I could already tell that my day and a half with Nash changed me.

         If I hadn’t gone to the coffee shop and cried to Nash, I would have gone back to Peyton. I have no doubt that I would have. I always forgave him, and I think he started to count on that.

         Peyton loved me; that was something I have never doubted. But he also loved sex.  He knew my boundaries. I wanted to wait at least until I turned twenty, to see if he really was my mate. If not, I didn’t want to disrespect my mate that way. Even if we weren’t been together at the time, I wanted to be faithful to my mate.

         If Peyton and I had sex, we could never come back. Sex is something that can’t be erased; it’s there forever. If he wasn’t my mate and I slept with him, I would feel terrible. And I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. It was much better just to stay a virgin until I knew for sure who my mate was.