Why She's Jealous

Chapter Two

Back at home my life falls, my mom's angry again for Lord knows why. Petunia often times will baby sit her grandson, Leandro, son of my sister, Vicki Norma. And boy is he a handful. Mom gets stressed, blames it on me because I'm the Main Fuck up of the family and she can't blame anybody else.... Sometimes I hate her, her choices, her stubbornness. I hate her childhood, I really have a lot of hate. It's the family's charm, what can you do? Tears clasp at the back of my eyelids and try to flood, but my heart screams at them. Says to shut up and deal with it, that hurts. Me holding my tears in, it hurts from deep in the well of my heart and out to my throat. People who say, "Sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me." Are fucking liars, because my mom called me a fat bitch the other day, and it stung so bad it made me go to sleep. Bricks, stone, wooden bats, even a gun, will never kill me. What will kill me is the words my mother spits at me. I wish sometimes that she was physically abusive. Because she never hits me, and I think it hurts more the way she talks to me when things get heated, she makes me want to go wait on the train tracks with some weights and rope, and stay forever until freedom in its most costly form corrupts me, and I fall asleep to another generation, another world completely. Untill my demons and white walls fall down and I enter my very own unknown safe haven. But, I decide they need me, or I need them, and bit by bit, I release my anger into the abyss of nothing. And I smile my smile, and laugh my laugh, and, for special people, forgive my forgiven, and except hate from those I have hated....