I feel like I just can't be happy and when I'm upset I'm stupid. I just make dumb decisions and do stupid things having anxiety makes everything so hard to handle. Just the look in someone's eyes can tell people exactly what they feel or what they are probably thinking because we've seen that face or we've been through enough to know exactly what every expression means but were better at hiding expressions that anyone else. We've put on a smile we've faked a laugh, but we worry too much about our performance on the outside that the inside goes crazy and you lose control of everything and nobody understand what you mean when you say you feel alone...because they say well you have them and it sounds bad to say that's not enough or it doesn't matter you still feel alone so you just..learn to keep things to yourself, and that makes things harder because you take so much and hold in so much that it's just so impossible to carry things and hold things in. Your worry more about making other people happy when you forget to even make yourself smile which adds on and on and on! And everything you do for everyone else or faking that's smile or faking that laugh only you know wether it's real or not so that adds on as well every single thing you do adds to something that you have to hold in, and you just snap! And things get heavy your pulse gets high your breathing gets hard and you get confused and you daze into thoughts you shouldn't think about and you can't stop and you can't breathe and it last forever it feels like and then everything slows down and you catch your breath you collect your thoughts and you rep-coop yourself then your back to being okay cause you let out what's been holding you down until you do something that give you a reason to hide something. It's like a cycle of pain to make other people happy. And once it's started its hard to stop it's a constant cycle and its growing to be a part of you so you don't really know how to stop doing what you do the most and how to quit a habit it's just nearly impossible, but I don't have any information on that because i haven't even passed that myself. Sometimes you have sleepless nights or sometimes you do nothing but sleep and it's what you do to forget what your weighing on yourself because sleep just is the only place you don't get things to add to your build up and you start to love sleep because it's the only time your can feel normal but right when you wake up its back to the sad dread feeling but we can't forget your smile so back to being "okay" and that's how I suffer from anxiety.
