Anxiety is trying to sleep and not being able to put your head to the pillow. Anxiety is feeling like you need your medicine so you don't have nightmares again. Anxiety is choking on the pill, and feeling nauseous, and trying vainly to stop the gag reflex by shoving food down your throat. At dark hours of the night.
Anxiety is drinking until you feel like your body is part ocean, feeling liquid slosh around, and still feeling thirsty because you've been crying. Anxiety is pacing in you room alone crying again because you can't make it stop. You're hopeless you're worthless you can't stop this. All the thoughts that don't go away.
But you focus on the circle your making with your feet because it's the one constant. Pace. Pace. Pace. Drink. Fidget. Worry. Cry. Pace. Pace. Pace.
Anxiety is getting into bed and writing this out. And feeling sick all over again. And standing up out of bed to do it all again.
I feel like anxiety is going to kill me, because I can't kill it.
