The next few weeks were tough on Chloe. She tried to forget, but it was harder to do than she had imagined it would be. She did her best to put on a brave face for Ashton but he could see right through it.
It didn't help that she was still so angry and hurt by his rejection of her. On some level, she did blame him for what had happened to her. If he hadn't kissed her, touched her and then rejected her, this wouldn't have happened. She might never have called Mike in the first place.
She never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. She didn't want to trust him. She kept him at a distance, emotionally anyway. He didn't push, insisting only on one thing, that he check her bruises daily, to watch them slowly disappear. She allowed him that. It was important to him. He would do as he did that first night, gently stroking her skin with his fingers. It was as if he believed he could erase the marks faster this way. He would then sit with her until she fell asleep.
Ashton spent most of his time downstairs, writing so he could be near her. When he went out, he'd take her with him. He would also tag along while she ran her errands.
Nick dropped by often to sit with Chloe. He learned quickly to keep a respectful distance, content to make her laugh now and then. Only during Nick's visits would Ashton allow himself to step away from her, if only for a short while.
Of course, Chris and Jamie came around now and then to rehearse. Chloe would take those opportunities to be alone in her room. She appreciated all the attention but it could be a little intense sometimes. She needed time alone. Now and then she wanted to tell Ashton to back off and give her some space but she also understood his need to be near her. Other times she couldn't stand the thought of being away from him.
Chloe eventually got back into her daily routine, preparing meals, cleaning and doing laundry. It helped to do normal things. Ashton had insisted that she take it easy but she didn't feel the need. She was okay physically she'd remind him. In the evenings after dinner, she would spend a couple of hours painting in the back room. Ashton would always be there in the front room doing his thing, occasionally poking his head in to check on her.
Every night as he sat on her bedside checking her bruises, he would remind her of what he'd promised. He would whisper, "I'm with you now and you are mine. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise I'll keep you safe. You'll never know anything but kindness." All the while his fingers caressed her skin.
Chloe would stand before him, close her eyes and focus on his voice and feel his gentle touch. She looked forward to their ritual. It felt like a healing prayer. Slowly the anger she'd held against him dropped away. All the hurt she'd harbored at his rejection subsided. He would then step aside as she got in bed. She would sense his presence in the room and it comforted her as she drifted off to sleep. Eventually, her bruises did disappear and she feared he would stop his visits but he didn't and he promised he wouldn't until she asked him to.
January turned to February and things continued much the same. One night after a local gig, Ashton led her into her room and started his ritual. Chloe giggled as she looked at him. He was still all glammed up, eyeliner streaking down his face, black nail polish on his fingertips. "What's so funny?" he asked, smiling up at her.
"You should see your face." She traced a finger under his eye. Glancing sideways at the mirror, he flinched when he saw his reflection. "Don't worry, you're still beautiful to me," she said, turning his head back toward her.
"Right, now where were we?" he asked as he whispered and touched her flawless skin. Only this time when he stood up, he didn't step aside as he usually did.
Chloe froze still in anticipation. She held her breath. She felt him tentatively touch her face, his thumbs tracing circles on her cheeks. Realizing that she stood with her robe draped loosely around her shoulders, barely covering her, she felt herself blush.
"Oh, how I love it when you blush. You are so lovely," he whispered wistfully. "My sweet, sweet girl." He leaned in slowly and touched his lips to hers.
Chloe's mind raced. Her lips welcomed his and for a moment all was right. But her heart still stung and her body rebelled. She felt herself shut down and she pulled away. "No... not now, not again," she gasped. "I... I don't want this. Please just stop," she said, shaking.
"Okay, I'm sorry, baby. It's too soon, I understand," he said, his expression betraying his hurt. "I wish I could just make you forget him. What can I do?"
He clearly misunderstood. He needed to understand. Chloe lifted his face toward her and locked eyes with him. "Ashton, listen carefully. I have gotten over him. What I haven't forgotten was how you touched me that night, how you made me want you and how you broke my heart when you turned me away." She paused and took a breath. "Maybe you don't feel, don't hurt but I do. I can't go through that again. I won't be used like that."
"Oh, no, Chloe, don't say that. I feel, I hurt, I do and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel used. That was not my intention. I was so wrong, so wrong to have turned you away. I wanted you so bad, so bad I had to hold you. You just felt so right and I was so wrong to have treated you like that. You deserve so much more," he said, his voice cracking. He sat back down and pulled her close. He pressed his face against her waist. "Please forgive me. Give me a chance and I'll make it up to you. I want you in my life, Chloe. I won't ever turn you away again. I am and always will be here for you. Give me another chance. Please trust me again."
She stroked his hair for a moment and then encouraged him to stand up straight. "I would like that more than anything, but it's not going to be so simple. You'll have to be patient. I'm going to need a lot more time and you're going to have to work on that trust thing. You'll have to prove yourself to me. Make me believe in you, for real. I know it's easy to forget sometimes because we live here together and things can get cloudy, but I need more from you." She paused for a breath. "We should stop this now, this ritual. My bruises are gone. We'll have to start over."
"You don't have to say another word. I understand, I do. I will show you. I will prove myself to you," he said, kissing her hand. "Brace yourself, though, I won't give up, not ever and remember, I'm with you now and with me, you'll never know anything but kindness." He kissed her cheek as he turned and left her room.
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To be continued...
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Hand In Glove
Copyright © 2014 by Maria Bernard. All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-9731474-5-2
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Hand In Glove
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