Did I Mention I Love You?

New Beginnings

-Amy-
Most people are convinced that I'm depressed. I can't exactly disagree. It's a new year and as people say "new year, new me" which I guess, in a way, is true. I am a new person, not exactly in a good way either.

I've been pretty isolated all summer. It's too hard being outside all the time, it's too hard to see everyone happy when you're not.
I don't want to be depressed either, but I don't really have a choice.

I hear a faint knock against my closed door.
Deakin walks in, worry smeared across his face. I give him my best smile and walk up to him, hugging him, not letting go for a little while.

"What's going to happen today?" He asks quietly. "Nothing. We're going to be okay" I smile reassuring him while kissing his head.
He smiles at me softly and leaves.

I have to be okay for him, it's hard for him too. For all of us. I feel like if Deakin thinks I'm okay, then he will be too. Nobody gets it, they try to. And I understand that they mean good, but if I'm being honest, sympathy makes it worse. It makes us remember what's happened when I'm trying to forget it.

That's why my counsellor isn't helping.
Mum greets me for breakfast. She's trying really hard, to be happy. At least around Deakin and I, but I can tell it's worse for her.

I don't talk to her about my problems and how I'm feeling, which is why she got me the counsellor.
She wants us to get through this, I quote "as a family" but we aren't going to. The only way to get passed what happened, is to forget.
And right now it's not working.

Mum serves me a plate of eggs on toast. My stomach grumbles but I hardly touch my food.
"Today is filled with new beginnings" mums says as Deakin walks in.

"So take that as an advantage, and start fresh." She says. I nod and smile, not actually meaning it. I've been doing that a lot lately.