Loving 'Dae Dae'

10.

Everyone should love themselves.

I mumbled this repeatedly under my breath.

It was a routine I had started in freshman year. Every other night I chant the words to myself, hoping that one day it would apply to me.

Everyone should love themselves, everyone should love themselves, everyone should love themselves.

So why can't I?

"Dakota!"

My mo–Ayla called out to me, her sharp voice pulling me from my thoughts.

"Dakota!"

She screeched my name again befor knocking furiously on my door.

"Dakota! Open up!"

Uh oh.

She was mad.

Jokes.

She was furious.

Ayla was rarely angry…or anything emotional. So when she was it was rare and it was frightening.

I walked towards the door slowly, taking my precious time. I was in no hurry to meet my father in heaven.

Or hell.

There she stood, the most beautiful woman I've ever come to see, glaring at me.

"Yes, Ayla?"

Her dark eyes narrowed in silent anger, her ruby red stained lips in a slight frown.

What did I do?

Her perfectly manicured fingers unclenched to reveal a full bottle of pills.

Oh shit.

"You've been lying to me."

I look down at her open palm, frowning at the brown capped bottle.

"I... Uh.... I didn't meant too. I did take them! But I hate what they do to me. It hurts Ayla."

I shivered.

Remembering the nights I'd lay awake for hours on end feeling nauseous before running to the bathroom. Only to throw up dinner, lunch and breakfast.

Even when my stomach was empty I still kneeled over the toilet bowl, bile spewing from my parched lips. My body shifting from hot to cold. Never deciding on a temperature, just jumping from one to the other.

She opens her mouth, ready to snap but I beat her and rush to explain.

"They make me feel dizzy and-and I don't like spewing all the time Ayla. It hurts."

Ayla's lips tilt in a sneer.

"Beauty hurts child. If you ever want to become beautiful then you will listen to your superior and take these pills. Your body is too... "

She glances at my form, taking note of everything but my eyes.

She hates my eyes. 

"…imperfect. You need to fix yourself. I'm very dissapointed in you."

And just like that she vanishes. Her slim and slender form dissapearing, only leaving a bottle of pills and her strongly perfumed scent behind.

I don't think twice before throwing the pills straight into the rubbish.

Everybody deserves to be loved.

Even me.