Under the Floorboards

Chapter 4: Imperfection

It's a lot to take in. The fact that we would be risking our lives just to get home seems to twist my insides. I feel more and more nauseous as the boy leads the way, each of us following. It feels as if we are walking straight into the mouth of death itself.

After a few moments of silent walking, I find myself standing in front of a rusty gate. It's black and chipping, layers of dust coating it. Thorns and bushes are grown around it, blocking the view.

The redhead kicks the gate open with her boot, the gate door slides open with a dusty creak. I cough and sputter as I swipe away the dusty air. Once the dust clears, I take notice of what is inside.

It seems to be part of the carnival, only hundreds of years older and abandoned looking compared to the rest. Everything is rusty or chipping, the rides appear unused for years. The closer I look, the more chills rush down my spine. Looking over into Mark's still unbelievably flawless face, I desperately clench onto his hand. He grips mine strongly, easing my fear. 

"This is as far as we can go. Just go into that old tent over there, jump into the mirror and you should be able to find your way from there," one of them explains.

"Jump into the mirror?" Nina asks aloud.

"Yes, it won't hurt," one of the boys nods.

"Okay. Thank you," Mark nods in return.

"Of course," the brown-haired girl rubs his back with a flirty grin. I'm too scared to feel jealous. He shifts uneasily by her touch.

"Good luck," one of them says as each of them stare at us with remorse.

We silently shuffle over to the tent and glide under its dusty flap. The inside is almost completely empty, all except for an old and dirty mirror that hangs from one of the sides of the tent. It reaches all the way to the floor and shows the reflection of our true selves, flaws and all. Before entering, we huddle together. A tear trickles down my cheek as worries swirl in my head.

"We have no idea what is going to happen in there," Damon gulps.

"It's okay. We will be okay," Nina shakes her head, though I can tell she's trying to convince herself more than she's trying to convince us.

"I love you. I love you with all my heart, no matter what happens in there," Mark desperately runs his fingers through my hair, wrapping himself around me tightly before kissing my forehead softly.

"Let's go," I whisper.

After brushing off my shoulders, everyone's eyes on me, I stand in front of the mirror. "I'm going in," I announce before quickly running at the reflection. If I didn't do it right away then I'd end up talking myself out of it in fear. I hear a sound like a water faucet dropping a large drop of water down the drain and suddenly, all is quiet. I'm all alone, sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest.

It's a dark and gloomy room. Mirrors surround me from every direction, forming a circle around me. I lift my head up from between my knees and try to understand the scenery. Pushing myself to my feet, I glance at the mirror with curiosity. At first, I just see myself. But the longer I look, the more twisted I become. I have never been one of those super self-conscious girls, but as I look into those mirrors I realize that I should have been all along. They seem to be screaming at me, pointing out all of my flaws as if they are what make me who I am. Every tiny detail seems wrong, out of place. Self-hatred gnaws at my bones, seeming to eat me from the inside out. I feel like I am being torn apart, my hand clenches at my chest with agony. Pain ripples through my veins, words violently thrash around my head insulting me to my breaking point. My heart slows, seeming to try and stop itself from going any longer. I then realize that my cheeks are moist, tears are streaming down my imperfect face. Everything I don't like about myself is heightened, all in an instant. I scream and cling onto my chest, trying to keep my heart beating even though the only thought going through my head is the need to die. I want my heart to stop, I can't live with how imperfect I am.

Then it hits me, they told us what would happen. This is a fear, one of my friends fears is their flaws. I don't have to feel this pain. I will make it out of this as long as I don't let it get to me, as long as I don't let it get to my friends.

My heart picks up its pace as I wipe my tears. I stare into my reflection with pain as anger fills me. I run at it, seeming to float through it as if it is an open door. I find myself flying into the same room, only Damon is in the same position I was in before, he clutches his knees to his chest and he claws at his face as if it's a scratching post. I run to his aid and fling his hands from his reddened face. "Stop! This isn't real! We have to help the others!" I scream at him desperately. A look of shock spreads over his face as he wipes away his tears with realization. He and I leap through another mirror, eventually getting everyone out all the way until we get to Nina.

There she is, standing in the middle of the room as all of us fling ourselves through the glass to stop her. Her hand is on the trigger, the gun pressed to her temple. She cries in pain, the sound of her whispers fill the room as she whispers each of her flaws to herself, seeming to torture herself into pulling the trigger.

"Nina," Chase whispers with pain. Of course, it's Nina. It's Nina's fear.

She jumps at the sound of his voice, spit slowly drips from her twisted mouth as she weeps in agony. "You don't love me, do you?" she bellows with pain.

"Of course I love you. I love you. I love you, I love all of you. Just please, love. Put the gun down," Chase speaks each word slowly, panic etched in his voice.

Nina stands in the center still, quivering with fear. "How do I know?" she whispers as tears fall.

"You have to just believe me. That's what love is," Chase assures her, trying as calmly as possible to take a step forward.

The rest of us watch in horror as Chase makes his way over to Nina. The gun shaking in her clammy hand, her eyes are puffy and red. "Love, don't die on me. Please, love. I need you," Chase desperately reaches for her in a slow motion.

"Stop! I will shoot myself right now if you get any closer!" Nina screams at the top of her lungs. Chase jolts back with fear, tears now forming in his worried eyes.

"Nina. Nina, no," He whimpers as she squeezes her eyes shut. She tightens her hand on the gun, her lower lip quivers. All at once, I see Chase fling himself at her. A gunshot rings out as both of them crash to the floor.

He sweeps her up in his arms, the gun chatters across the floor. I cover my mouth with horror as tears begin to fall. "Baby. Baby, it's okay. I'm here," Chase cries into her chest as he strokes her hair. She moans, Chase gasps with relief. Tears stream down both of their faces, all of us wipe away our tears. Nina wraps herself around him and cries into his shoulder. He runs his fingers up and down her spine as I step back towards Mark.

"Oh my god, I thought she was dead," Arizona bawls. It is a moment of sadness and realization. This isn't a joke anymore. This is real... and this is our only way out.