Baggage Claim

Assumptions

Chapter Five: Assumptions

Layla and Hana drove home in silence, Layla’s eyes stinging red with the tears that had flooded them immediately after they had left the store.

“Your madar didn’t mean…”

“Yes she did.” Layla said brashly, cutting off Hana’s attempt before she could lie.

“She loves you.”

“She blames me.”

“Why would she blame you?” Hana asked hesitantly.  

“Because she thinks it’s my fault, she thinks I am the reason…” Layla could not force herself to say the name.

Hana sighed. “Aman meant a lot to me to Layla, I was close to her, remember?”

Layla cleared her tears and turned to her aunt, Hana’s dark eyes firmly fixated on the road ahead of her. She had never considered the impact it had on Hana, having never spoken to her aunt about it. Hana had been away at Brown when it occurred, and Layla had been gone before she returned.

“I’m sorry, I did not know.” Layla offered meekly.

“How could you have? I didn’t share my pain with anyone. But I still feel pain, like you my niece.”

Layla sat quietly, not knowing if her aunt or even if she wanted to continue the conversation.

“Your sister’s passing was not your fault Layla, you must unburden yourself of this thought…”

“Like Madar has? Has madar forgotten Aman?”

Hana pulled into the long driveway and slowly put the car into park. Her hands remained on the wheel and Layla sensed she was choosing her words carefully.

“Layla, I cannot tell you firsthand how strong the bond is between a mother and her child, as I have yet to have children of my own, but I can only imagine that a mother’s love far supersedes the love we have for them. I know it was difficult growing up, none of us missed how much your mom favored Aman, but that does not mean that you are doomed to live in Aman’s shadow. Your madar will never forget, because she is a mother, it does not mean you cannot move on.”

Aman’s shadow, Layla had felt the darkness of that shadow for years. Hana left to open the door and Layla reluctantly followed behind. She could feel her backache returning full force, the spasms beating down her spine, and she longed for the silence of a sleep.

“Will you be okay by yourself Layla, I can reschedule my meeting for later?”

Layla shuffled towards her room, not wanting to look back in fear it would cause more tears.

“I am fine Hana; I am just going to go to sleep.” Layla said, sealing the bedroom quietly behind her.

Hana was gone when Layla awoke the next morning, a text message on her phone informing Layla that her aunt would be back for dinner and that the physical therapist had confirmed a noon arrival time.

Layla glanced over at the clock, her back already aching from the long sleep. The red flashing numbers indicating she had already slept till ten am, causing her to force herself awake. She wanted to be showered and ready when her therapist arrived, hoping that the therapist would be able to do something about the debilitating pain.

Layla stood in the shower allowing the warm water to wash over her as her mind filled itself with repressed images of Aman.

Aman was Layla’s older sister by five years. Aman was not only her mother’s first born but the first born of the grandchildren as well, making her the star of the family the moment she came into the world. Tall, raven-haired and beautiful, Aman surpassed normal expectations both in appearance and intelligence. Layla’s memories of growing up always included her mother doting on her sister, and her sister attracting the attention of everyone around her.  Though Layla was filled with pride for her older beautiful sister, there was always the small part that writhed with resentment, the small part she kept hidden far down in the depths of her soul in fear that her mother looks, the ones that changed from adoration to ambivalence when she looked from Aman to Layla, would one day see through her.