Baggage Claim

A Path of Pain

Chapter Twelve: A Path of Pain

“How could you not warn me Hana?”

It was the first words Layla had spoken since they had left cousin Lufti’s. Hana had made vague attempts to begin conversation, but she knew by Layla’s lack of response that the effort had been futile.

“I had no idea my sister would react like that Layla.”

“You had no idea that Madar would be mad at me? Did you not think that when you told her about A.J. she would not find some way to blame it on me?”

Hana sighed, holding her forehead as she searched her mind for the words that Layla needed. “Naima did not blame you.”

“You were not listening as you stood there then? You did not hear what the rest of the family heard then?” Layla jumped off the couch, flinging her arms around as the emotion she had contained the entire ride home riveted through her.

“I heard Layla, I just don’t think she meant to blame you. When I mentioned A.J. she just started drilling me with questions and before I knew it she was just so worked up…” Hana trailed off, not wanting to say more than needed.

“That’s what I don’t understand, why is she so worked up? Because he’s American born? I don’t understand why that is even an issue, it sounds like an excuse if you ask me.”

“My sister is traditional, she holds tight to the beliefs that the family brought with them when they moved here. The more that is filtered, the scarier assimilation becomes to them. You wouldn’t understand Layla.”

Layla’s brow furrowed in annoyance. “You too Hana? I don’t understand anything right? Because I’m American born I’m not good enough to be part of this family either?”  

“Layla please.” The plea was sincere enough to pause Layla’s anger, but not enough to warrant her to sit down. She loomed over Hana as she waited for her aunt to continue.  “It has nothing to do with American not being good enough for the family, it is more a desperate need to hold on to an ideal that gets lost in all that is here. Your mother brought herself here with the idea that both you and Aman would live a far better life here than she ever did back in Iran, but the price was a different belief then she had prepared herself to teach. It’s harder than you can understand.”

“What’s harder? Us not having to live the same sheltered life she was forced to?”

“No.” Hana paused as she reached her arms out to Layla. “It’s hard to watch the things you understand and know become foreign to you, unrecognizable, to the point where you do not know how to protect the ones you love.”

“What does she need to protect me from?” Layla scoffed; unconvinced that Hana’s words were not more for her mother’s benefit than hers.

Hana stood up from the couch and carefully grabbed Layla’s arms. “The unknown, the unknown that took Aman, and she fears every day will take you.”

Layla could feel her mind freeze, the idea of her mother spending more than a moment on her well being seemed incomprehensible to her. “Madar doesn’t fear losing me; I bet she would trade me for Aman’s life if given the chance.”

“Do you believe this, deep in your soul, the part that has not hardened with resentment; do you truly believe that your mother would wish you were gone?” Hana held tighter to Layla, forcing her to match her gaze eye to eye.

It didn’t take a moment after she swallowed her breath for Layla to whisper her response. “Yes, if it meant having Aman back, then yes.”

The reflection from the dim light in the room played off Hana’s sorrow filled frown as she released her hold on her niece. “Then you will never heal Layla. You will never see past your own anger if you believe this. I have cried so many tears for the loss of my cousin, most of them at the side of my sister. I have seen the pain she holds and I would not wish it on someone I hate. I can see that pain in you too; that stubborn need to hold your own heart hostage for the one you could not save. I can not help you any more than I can help her; you are the only ones that can fix each other now.”