June 6, 2016
I used to be okay with being that friend everyone could go to with their problems. Now it's all too much. They talk constantly about their relationships, they repeat themselves over & over and I try to be nice about it...but now it's getting to me, I've said everything possible to try and make them feel better. I was there for them when no one else was. I cannot begin to describe how it feels to have that person that you were protecting say they owe all their appreciation to someone else. I can't help them anymore. I want to but I can't. My problem is, is that I care too deeply, I focus on making them better and happy. I forget to take care of myself. I spent my sophomore year struggling with the end of 2 friendships, a broken heart, insecurities, eating & sleeping disorder, and my education. I was so exhausted from my days of helping others while beating myself up and at the end of the day I had barely enough energy to eat dinner if that. I remember I went 2 weeks without eating cause of stress and guilt. I didn't think I deserved to eat. I had so little energy I couldn't do my homework which led to me being on the path of failing classes. So little energy i couldn't stay awake during my classes. 11/05/15 when I got the text. "I'm done." I wasn't able to sleep because you were in my dreams. It felt real, but when I woke up you were gone, you left. We tried becoming friends twice after the big falling out, it just wasn't right anymore. I admit I screwed up, I told you too much of what was in my mind. January/February 2016 you reached out. I was feeling so much better and felt like I was over you. But you came back and I fell for it again. We
were "friends" for about a week and you didn't talk to me at all. I finally asked you why you were avoiding me, you replied "I'm not avoiding, I'm just not confronting" I decided I couldn't do it anymore.
April 2, 2016. 1:26 pm. "I forgive you" I stopped dead in my tracks. I immediately started crying and I don't know why. We talked for awhile and were planning on hanging out in May. I asked in May when we're hanging out, no text back. "Hey" I texted a week later, no response. I texted May 16, 2016
"I get it we don't have to talk anymore." Again no response. I gave up. You took everything out of me.
