Random Thoughts Of A Real Life Fangirl

I cant sleep

Well. The title says it all. I realized I haven't posted a chapter in a hot minute. Not like anyone cares.

I hate it when I can't sleep. I used to be afraid of not being able to sleep. Sometimes during the school year I still get panicked. It's an odd fear I know. I mean I know I won't die so I don't really know what the source of the fear is.

Maybe it's because it's super lonely. Although I stay in my room alone 99% of the time anyway so maybe not.

I guess it's because almost everyone else in the whole time zone is doing the exact same thing but I'm not. I'm like semi breaking the laws of the universe by not sleeping. Not like I'm trying.

And I hate breaking rules. I'm one of those super annoying children that do exactly what their told their whole lives. I blame scary punishments as a child. No one messes with mom and dad.

Okay who am I kidding the punishments weren't bad. But I've always been a very sensitive and quiet person so being in trouble was chaos for my brain.

But anyway (BACK TO THE FUCKING POINT. AS YOU CAN SEE IM TIRED. JESUS CHRIST EVERYONES BORED NOW) so I'm like rebelling and staying awake. But I hate it.

And for the nonexistent people wondering if I have ever pulled and all nighter. Yes. I have. So I have proven to myself that you won't die. But somehow I still hate it.

It's funny by like 5 am that night I didn't care anymore. The sun was rising and I was like 'well. I'm tired but can't sleep. Yay'. And that day wasn't actually terrible. I had church and then Sunday school that day so the morning was the hardest part but I didn't crash and burn.

  So what's worse. Being tired but can't sleep or not being tired. Personally I like being tired but not being able to sleep. Because when you're not tired everything is useless. You can't rest because your brain is screaming at you. And the other options are all probably on electronics. Which is definitely a thing to lean on. But I like to stay away. I love the internet but I don't want to miss my sleep opportunity while scrolling for hours.

Currently I'm tired. But for some reason I'm so not comfortable. I'm too cold and then too hot. And every position I lay in is wrong.

I feel like the only explanation is the dreaded pms. I'm pretty sure you get sleep problems from that. And considering this is the worst pms I've ever had in my 2 1/2 years of perioding I wouldn't put it past my body to fuck me up some more.

Okay it's 2 am and still no sign of sleep. I'm gonna go now. Sorry for boring you with my blurbs of thoughts